With the New Year and holidays just past, we were most likely constantly on the go. While a time of celebration, the holidays can also bring stress and anxiety to our lives. It’s important to remember to take time to unwind from all the busy hustling and bustling during this time of year.

Relaxation is one of the most fundamental components of good mental health. An article published in the American Journal of Public Health reports significant benefits to work and overall wellbeing as a result of daily relaxation (American Journal of Public Health, Vol. 67 Issue 10, p946-952). Research also points to other benefits, including brain wellness, decreased stress levels, improved sleep and decreased anxiety. That yoga class at the gym might seem a bit more enticing considering these significant payoffs.

Just consider, if spending a few minutes each day to meditate or calm yourself can have such a considerable effect (without taking a drug/medication), why not make it a part of your regular routine? It makes sense when you consider that relaxation is the opposite of stress on the spectrum of anxiety. Once you learn to relax, the scales become much more balanced.

Basic Tips for Relaxation

Make scheduling time for relaxation a priority. For example, when you wake up (or just before bed), spend 10 to 15 minutes on relaxation techniques. Continually take long, slow breaths: inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth. Place your focus on breathing, calm and soothing thoughts and pay attention to all five senses. You might want to think of a soothing color, say a prayer or imagine what a perfect day might look like. Notice any intruding thoughts; let them float away, then return your focus to words that remind you of feeling calm, safe and free.

Go ahead relax!

The cause of the common cold, as well as its cure, still remains a mystery to modern medicine. However, when we look to nature, we see Oriental medical thinking at its best. The Chinese character for wind is combined with the character for evil, so together they form the word evil wind, or the Oriental equivalent of the common cold. This evil wind is able to penetrate the body through the back of the neck when there is a deficiency of Qi or Lifeforce.

We all posses an invisible powerful layer of Qi around our bodies. Think of this defensive Qi as a protective energy shield. When this outer protection becomes weakened by poor dietary habits, lack of sleep, inadequate exercise, lifestyle excess, exposure to pathogens or erratic temperatures, evil wind is able to penetrate our body due to deficiency of Qi. This explains the high collars of traditional Oriental coats and jackets. Great care is taken to protect the vulnerable back of the neck. The lung transporting points of the back are located very close to the base of the neck, supporting the belief that we often suffer from stiffness of the neck and shoulders, sore throats, as well as stuffy or runny noses, at the beginning of a cold. Most of us posses within our bodies all the resources needed to overcome a common cold. My approach to treatment is to strengthen the body’s curative mechanisms, and watch as the immune system takes over to heal from within. One way to heal from the common cold is to make sure we use food as medicine.

I support shopping at the local farmers’ market on weekends. If you are able to prepare for the week ahead of time, it is very easy to prepare a pot of warming soup before the onrush of Monday morning. If you can, buy organic fruits and vegetables whenever possible do so.

During the busy week, I always have on hand what I need to put together quick and healthy, delicious meals. Healthy choices are immediately awaiting you. This way, you can eat nourishing, EnerQi lifting foods while supporting local organic farmers. By keeping our bodies healthy and strong, our minds work better, as does our immune system.

Then we have the power to contribute positively to our families and our communities.

It really is all about convenience. Here are some easy and favorite nourishing recipes that I am cooking up in my autumn and winter kitchen.

SEASONAL CLEANSING SOUP

Directions:

• Bring 1 gallon of Alkaline or bottled water to a boil in a large stock pot.
• Add as many chopped, varied, seasonal, colored vegetables (making sure to include dark, leafy greens) as you can to the water. Include scallions, leeks or onions and fresh garlic to your taste preference.
• Allow to simmer for 20 minutes.
• Take off heat and allow the vegetables to blanch until the water cools.
• Add chopped fresh parsley or cilantro and the juice of 1 lemon.
• Season with sea salt and/or pepper.

*Throughout the week, you may add to the stock pot or your individual bowl: fish, chicken, saffron rice, lentils, a poached egg: feel free to experiment with anything that sounds good and is healthy.

RATATOUILLE

Ingredients:

• 1 large eggplant or 4 small ones of varied colors, cut into cubes
• 1 large sweet onion, coarsely chopped
• 3 garlic cloves, pressed
• Chopped fresh tomatoes to your taste preference
• 1 chopped green pepper
• 1 chopped red pepper
• 1 or 2 cups of diced mushrooms
• 3 or 4 green zucchinis sliced to medium thickness.
• 1 can tomato paste
• 1/8-cup of olive oil
• 1/8-cup of balsamic vinegar, plus a splash, if needed
• Sea salt to taste
• 1 large, fresh rosemary sprig

Directions:

• In large stock pot, sauté garlic, onions and mushrooms in olive oil until onions are translucent and golden.
• Add the tomatoes, rosemary sprig and the red and green peppers; cook the mixture over moderate to high heat; sauté until softened. (You may need to add more olive oil.)
• Pour in 1/8-cup of balsamic vinegar, stirring well.
• Add the chopped eggplant, zucchini and the tomato paste, along with more balsamic vinegar if mixture is too thick.
• Cook until vegetables are tender and soft.
• Season with sea salt, to taste.

*Keep for up to one week in the refrigerator and reheat, or freeze remaining portion. Eat over spaghetti squash, zucchini, baked garlic potato or fresh spinach.

ALMOST POTATO CHIPS

Use thin-sliced yams, sweet potatoes, Yukon gold, red or creamier white potato.

Directions:

• Use 1 potato for each person – they go fast!
• Thinly slice your potatoes and place on a foil-lined cookie sheet.
• Sprinkle with olive oil.
• Place in preheated 375-degree oven for 30-45 minutes, or until chips are brown and crisp. Season with sea salt.

*Serve with hummus, yogurt dip or ketchup.

SWEETS FOR THE SWEET: 3 WINNING HEALTHY AUTUMN/WINTER DESSERTS

1. Baked apples with nuts and raisins

2. Pear sauce (like applesauce!) over crumbled ginger snaps or vanilla yogurt

3. Warm winter-fruit compotes

*Add cinnamon, cinnamon, cinnamon!

(A bit is brandy or cognac is warming as well.)

DON’T FORGET! STRIVE TO INCLUDE THESE FOODS IN YOUR DAILY DIET CHOICES:

7 heart-healthy high-protein foods:

• 1 cup soybeans or edamame
• 1 cup cooked pasta
• 1 cup kidney beans, canned
• 1 large egg
• 1 ounce almonds, cashews, walnuts, brazil nuts, pumpkin seeds
• 1 medium slice of tofu
• 1 cup of cooked spinach or other leafy greens

NUTRIENTS:

Omega-3 fatty acids, EPA and DHA, from flax seeds and flax oil.

*Fatty acids support: heart health, memory, inflammatory response and the nervous system. They also keep your skin soft and supple.

JUST IN CASE:

My go-to list for preventive herbals/homeopathics cold/sniffle/flu remedies include:

• Gan Mao Ling: Take at the first sign of scratchy throat 2-6x/day
• Oscillococcinum: Dissolve entire contents of one tube sublingually or in your mouth every 6 hours up to 3xs/day for the first day (no food or drink 15 minutes before or after).
• Traumeel: For body aches, muscular pain or inflammation: 1-2 tablets dissolved sublingually or in mouth up to 3x/day.
• Emergen-C: Dissolve in water and drink throughout the day.
• Zinc: 30 mcg, 1x/day with food.
• Wellness Formula: 2x/day, morning and evening.

ON BODY:

Apply sesame seed oil on damp skin after a warm bath to nourish all seven layers of the skin. Ayurvedic massage often incorporates sesame seed oil because of its heavy qualities and calming elements. Sesame oil is also heating and important to incorporate to keep skin healthy and vibrant during the cool autumn and winter seasons. Remember to massage in upward, circular motions toward the heart.

WORTH CHECKING OUT:

Eco-wine: Organic wine whose grapes are grown without genetically modified seeds, free from fertilizers, sewage sludge and conventional pesticides. These wines contain no added sulfates. Research has shown that drinking moderate amounts of red wine is good for your heart. It may also protect against neurological diseases, such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, as well as inhibit certain types of cancers.

*Find these wines at Jimbo’s Naturally and Whole Foods, as well as other health food stores.

MORE GRAPE GOODNESS:

Instead of wine, first Blush Grape Juice is another heart-healthy, antioxidant-rich way to get the nutrition you need, while enjoying some of the most delicious cabernet, anti-alcohol grape juice around. Read more at: ww.firstblushjuice.com.

Make sure to review Chapter 10 from my book, The EnerQi Connection, to gain a deeper understanding of the vital importance of colors and foods. This chapter provides insight into why we make the decisions we make, and how we can elicit change through powerful mental and physical choices as we maintain balance and harmony within.

Now is a great time to make your fall/winter tune-up acupuncture appointment, if you have not already done so. Remember, it’s all about balance! Please feel free to email me with any questions, concerns or ideas you have! www.balancedenerqi.com

We are what we think about all day. The thoughts that we think and the feelings that accompany them can shape our experience of the day. A Harvard study looked at how what we think affects our immune systems. The findings were that negative thoughts actually cause us to maintain elevated levels of stress hormones, while positive thoughts fill our bodies with the types of chemicals that soothe and regulate our moods. While antidepressants can help us artificially maintain elevated levels of serotonin in our blood streams, positive thoughts do the job naturally.

Thinking positive and uplifting thoughts will give us a different body to live in. The Harvard study set up two control groups to measure how thoughts affect our bodies and our emotions. The first control group was asked to watch films of Nazi war crimes. The second, films of Mother Theresa at work. After watching the films, each group had blood drawn. The group that had been watching Nazi war films had elevated levels of stress chemicals, such as adrenaline and cortisol. The group watching the Mother Theresa film had elevated levels of feel-good chemicals, such as serotonin and dopamine, nature’s antidepressants, that made them feel emotionally regulated and calm. Blood chemicals went back to normal after about 20 minutes.

But here’s the interesting stuff: In a second part of the study, subjects were asked to continue to run the images of the films in their minds throughout the day. Hours later, the results were the same. The group that had been watching Nazi war films had continually high levels of stress chemicals coursing through their blood, while the group that had been watching Mother Theresa experienced continued levels of feel-good chemicals.

So, not only does what we think about all day really affect how we feel, but thinking positive, affirmative thoughts is actually a proven approach to living a better and more balanced life. Those of us in the recovery world have known this for a long time. Treatment centers have been making affirmations a part of their community for decades. Try it – spend a few minutes consciously thinking thoughts that make you feel calm, happy and good inside and see what happens to your emotional state. And if you’re not convinced yet that calm is better, try thinking upsetting thoughts or watching something scary or disturbing on TV (easy to find), and see what happens to your emotional state.

If you want to bring calm to your emotions, you now have two powerful tools: calm your breathing and think uplifting thoughts or affirmations, which are positive thoughts.

TAKE A HEART BREAK

Calming your heart, or achieving what researchers at HeartMath call heart coherence, brings emotional calm to your whole body. Regulating heart rhythms also brings calm to blood flow and every body organ and system that the heart influences. You can achieve this coherence in heart rhythms in as little as one minute. Try the following next time you’re feeling stressed:

• Take a break and mentally disengage from the situation.

• Bring your attention to the area of your heart.

•Recall an experience in which you felt happiness, love or appreciation, or just meditate for a moment on those kinds of thoughts and feelings.

• Re-experience these feelings while keeping your attention on your heart. Let your breathing be relaxed and regular.

When I wrote Forgiving and Moving On 20 years ago, I did it to help myself and my clients see a painful circumstance in a positive light. I wrote affirmations each morning and they truly set my mind in a positive direction. That book has been my best seller and has now been made into an app along with One Foot in Front of the Other, an app for early recovery designed to disseminate program principles in an easy, available, user-friendly way. (Both are available on iTunes.)

The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is accessible to all because it expressly leaves spirituality open to the interpretation of the individual. The choice of a Higher Power, the practice and maintenance of our spiritual condition becomes a cornucopia of methods, as different and varied as the number of members who participate in Twelve Step meetings across the globe. And how many different types of physical exercise are available to us? It boggles the mind as fads come and go – from Zumba to kick-boxing to PiYo and salsa – pay your money and take your pick.

Having lived through the Great Depression, my mother wanted to give us kids all the advantages she had missed. My older sister was enrolled in ballet class and at four years old, I had to do everything she did. A lifetime passion was born and my progress was swift. I began teaching the younger kids at my studio (Ditzi Nagy Academy of Dance in Columbus, Ohio) from age 15, and at 17 danced the leading role in Coppelia for the Columbus Civic Ballet. I branched out to comprehensive performance in musical theater, making my debut as Liesl in The Sound of Music and landing lead roles at Ohio State University Summer Theater at age 16.

My professional career began right out of high school with the venerable Kenley Players, where I worked with show-biz legends Shirley Jones, Joel Grey, John Davidson, Ann Miller and Frankie Avalon. The Big Apple called and this young woman answered. I was soon mentored by notable dance legends Michael Shawn, Tony Stevens and Michael Bennett. The prestigious Long Wharf Theater, New York’s classic City Center, the elite Rainbow Grill at Rockefeller Center and Broadway stages were a few of my stomping grounds when I wasn’t touring nationally and internationally in such classics as Seven Brides for Seven Brothers with Jane Powell; The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas with Barbara Eden; and 42nd St. with Star Trek’s Nana Visitor. The most thrilling and beloved challenge of my stage career came in the Pulitzer Prize-winning A Chorus Line for the New York Shakespeare Festival in which I was critically acclaimed as Sheila Bryant, singing “At the Ballet” an estimated 4,000 times.

After a 1993 cancer diagnosis interrupted my performing career, dance instead became the prominent avocation in my day-to-day life. Fast forward to the present, my course classes and individual coaching are tremendously rewarding and allow me to maintain the skills for which I worked so hard. Dance continues to be a creative inspiration in my writing. The adoration of Fred Astaire is an integral part of my short film, Departure, currently in post-production. Also being developed as a mini-series is my original script set in a kid’s performing arts school.

So let’s first take a look at dance as support for those in recovery. Social situations are a challenge for the newly sober population. How can we possibly have fun without drinking? I was so grateful for the sober dances in my early sobriety. They provided a safe place to hang for what seemed like endless evenings without hiding in my substance abuse. My major dance background resulted in many requests for “Help!” from my fellow “survivors of a shipwreck.” These informal sessions were a gift to me, refining my technique for easing nervous beginners into a safe discovery of their physical body’s expression. Teaching movement is an intuitive art, requiring patience and a little bit of psychic ability. My methods are individual and unique, developed over many years of working with professional colleagues, non-dancing actors and musicians, along with engaged couples preparing for their wedding dance, as well as same-sex couples. The fun and freedom of social dancing should be available for everyone who is willing to work at mastering it.

It is my preferred logic to train the body for flexibility, coordination and control in concert with the footwork of each dance style. “Skills, not just steps” is what and how I teach, so that if the steps mysteriously evaporate from the dancer’s mind, they can remain confident in their easy sense of “rhythm and joy.” Even at the most elementary level, ballroom dance prepares us for social interaction and improves our communication skills for life.

Three concepts govern all the rules of etiquette for social dancing: respect for self, respect for others and responsibility for all of your actions. You show respect for yourself by holding your head up and shoulders back in dance position, not hanging on your partner, not looking at the floor or your feet. This stance, or “the frame” improves posture and breathing, which naturally looks good to you in the mirror, makes you feel more energized and can encourage you to take care of your body in other ways. You show respect for others by allowing for their personal space and accepting whatever physical limitations they may have. You take responsibility for your actions by graciously not assigning blame for mistakes, complimenting the successful execution of steps and embracing the process of fixing mistakes together with your partner.

There’s no down side to studying dance in whatever form. Those who can step out on the dance floor with experience and confidence can be assured of an easier and more enjoyable social life in sobriety.

Now to yoga, that mysterious Eastern philosophy. Do you have to be a pretzel? Do you have to shave your head? What about sitting in silence with your legs crossed for hours at a time? Your call. The wonderful thing about the practice of yoga is that you can design your own program; discover what works for you and use it the way you like. Yoga came into my life when, as a young single mother, still in denial of my disease and years away from my first meeting, I began to feel the effects of stress. I was also motivated by a desire to earn a college degree. So my first yoga class was at Santa Monica College, immediately creating another lifelong passion – one which perfectly complemented my dance experience.
Much the same as Hinduism, the traditional backdrop for yoga’s psycho-physiological meditation techniques calls upon personal experience to develop a meaningful toolbox for fixing what’s broken and to reinforce the effective parts of one’s life. The nurturing and self-love that have been missing are essential ingredients to living happy, joyous and free.

Yoga can be translated as “union” in the context of uniting the body and spirit. Some differences of opinion exist among scholars when classifying and grouping the eight systems of yoga, mostly because they overlap and have validity within each other. The most widely known and practiced branch is called Hatha Yoga and encompasses most variations and styles found in gyms and yoga studios in the West. The word hatha derives from two roots: ha means sun and tha means moon. So it is that Hatha Yoga exercises, called asanas, are done extensively in the West for their practical benefits to the health of the nervous system, glands and vital organs. In more advanced studies, there are purification processes of breathing and diet that further discipline the body to approach Raja Yoga, translated as Royal Yoga, in which the practitioner becomes ruler over the mind. Alcoholics Anonymous has started us thinking along those lines by describing our disease as one part “obsession of the mind.” The techniques of meditation can strengthen our mental muscle, allowing the changes in perception for which we strive.

The French writer C. Kerneiz, writing under the pseudonym Felix Gyot, opens his book, Yoga: the Science of Health as follows: “Keep well, remain young a long time, and live to a good old age, such is the threefold wish that the men of every race and country have, at all times, formulated at the bottom of their hearts. This threefold wish is a very natural one, for it is simply the expression of the most powerful and the most tenacious of instincts: self-preservation. Live! We want to live with the greatest amplitude possible.
To fight against disease, when it comes, and to avert, as far as is possible, the threat of death which is in its train; to defer old age, and by doing so, put off death itself, we have hygiene, which is only, it is true, an autonomous but not independent province of the medical kingdom.

But there exists a science, practiced in India and Tibet, and more or less throughout the whole of China, which is somewhat mysterious, for it is not taught to all comers. This science is traditional and its origin is lost in the night of time. It has precisely the same object as hygiene in Western countries: to keep its adepts in health and strength and to ward off old age and death for the longest time possible. This science of Life, which is only a branch of the secret of the Yogis, is called the Hatha Yoga.”

Yoga practice consists of breathing exercises, or pranayama; asanas, or postures; meditation and relaxation. Prana is translated as the life force of the breath, or just simply the breath, and yama as restraint or control. Few adults breathe with full efficiency for maximum healthful effect. Young children breathe more effectively, but once they are subjected to social pressures and tensions, they develop the shallow high-chested breathing of their parents. Adequate elasticity of the respiratory muscles and lungs is necessary to fully purify and oxygenate the bloodstream and to burn food in the body for energy. In a more advanced yoga practice, kumbhaka, or breath retention, is practiced, allowing for a better mix of fresh air with the residual air in the lungs, as our exhalation never fully empties the lungs. A physiological benefit of these pauses is achieved by the diffusion of unexpired air, containing more carbon dioxide, with the more oxygenated air of inhalation. The aeration of the bloodstream is then improved, a big deal when you consider that the entire blood supply of the body flows through the lungs in about three minutes. A cumulative psychological benefit of respiratory pauses is to calm and soothe the nervous system while carrying the tranquility of yoga practice into everyday living.

Asana means seat, its original purpose being to provide a rock-like steadiness in sitting for meditation. Easy Posture, sukhasana, is the most practical cross-legged posture for beginners. We sit this way to provide the center of gravity low in the abdomen, allowing a straight spine and easy breathing. Vital energies are gathered and conserved when sitting quietly in this pose. From here, with a teacher’s guidance, a yoga practice continues and includes forward bending poses, backward bends, twisting postures and inversion, ending finally in savasana, deep relaxation. With regular practice, the spine gradually sbecomes more supple, the joints move freely, the hamstrings lengthen and loosen, the legs fold and the knees spread without discomfort. With the healthier and more responsive body that yoga can produce, our sobriety is further encouraged and enhanced.

“Know thyself” has been a command of every religious leader. Buddha and Jesus both said that before we look to know anything else, we must first look within. Yoga’s end goal of intuitive enlightenment, samadi, may not be for you, but yoga’s health benefits cannot be denied; having been proved and documented by renowned physicians such as Dr. Dean Ornish, Dr. Mehmet Oz, Deepak Chopra and countless others. If we accept that as alcoholics, we have an allergy of the body coupled with an obsession of the mind, wouldn’t we then agree that any practice that can help us to manage and overcome these elements of our existence is worth investigating?

Both dance and yoga have kept me from doing untold damage to my physical health when my disease was running wild, and I’m convinced wholeheartedly that movement is a key component to my continued wellbeing now in sobriety.

Check out our website here http://www.moveitu.com/

“I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind,” said Sheen about his newfound sobriety. He describes his transformation from a user and abuser to a non-user and non-abuser as “primary patient-achieved radical success,” calling those who relapse “trolls” and “weak.” These nasty, non-empathic little epithets sort of tip us off as to his state of mind. What is Charlie Sheen thinking? Clearly he has not “come to terms” with the disease that led to his losing custody of his children and to CBS and Warner Bros. Television firing him from his show, “Two and a Half Men”.

Sheen is denying his ex-wife Brooke Mueller visitation rights. Their twins were born mid-term, in part because of Brooke’s drug-related high blood pressure and liver problems. When interviewed in his luxurious home with his two live-in girlfriends (who are also porn stars, according to TV reports) Sheen said that he will let his ex-wife see their children when she tests clean: “Blood, hair and all of it… just like me.” Once again, the children suffer silently, caught in the perfect storm of arrogance, blindness and tyranny that surround addiction.

Charlie Sheen is not acting clean and sober. He may not believe in relapse, but he is virtually becoming a poster child for signs that experts recognize can lead to relapse, such as denial, crisis-building, feelings of omnipotence, complacency, cockiness, argumentativeness, impatience and an it-can’t-happen-to-me attitude.

And Charlie Sheen doesn’t believe in AA. I think it’s safe to assume that he hasn’t exactly taken the first step in which one admits to their powerlessness over the disease of addiction. The one about surrender. He touts not being “held hostage” by AA anymore on national TV. Sheen says he isn’t worried about relapse (that should tell us something). Actually, he is probably doing more to help the cause of recovery than hurt it by being so flagrantly AA-bashing, anxious, tense and critical, and generally just such a clear example of what recovery does not look like. He is obviously not sober in the kind of way that involves a “spiritual awakening,” “humility” or a “new design for living.” What Charlie Sheen is being held hostage by is clearly the disease of addiction. Whether or not he has temporarily tested clean is not the point; he is trapped by the disease either way, living in the grip of it. And so are his children, being around a dad who is acting emotionally drunk.

“Sober Valley” is Charlie’s nickname for his house. But even if there is physical sobriety at Sober Valley (and even this seems questionable), there is certainly little emotional sobriety. Charlie Sheen is the very picture of a man who is living in emotional extremes: edgy, always on the verge of bursting open, an accident waiting to happen. Physical sobriety is only the first step in healing from the disease of addiction and the wreckage that it has caused. Emotional sobriety, which involves humility, personal responsibility and balanced living, is what makes recovery sustainable and renewable, what keeps it clean and green.

Do you ever wonder what the word balance means in relationship to how we live and behave in our mental, physical and emotional lives, and why a lot of us seem to be reading and talking about balance more frequently?

I know that as a 25-year practitioner of Oriental Medicine, it always comes up in conversation with my patients, regardless of sex or age. Oriental Medicine always preserves Qi energy or life force. This Life force circulates throughout our bodies and around all of us throughout our day, and even when we are at rest or asleep.

Balance is the way in which we choose to harmonize and preserve this Qi force field. I have coined a phrase for this harmonization and preservation of our inner and outer power that I call EnerQi.

So how does this EnerQi apply to our lives? How can we create more balance and happiness in our lives and within our community?

Creating balance in our physical lives means to sleep deeply and well. While living our life to the fullest, we choose to exercise regularly and eat delicious, whole foods that replenish and nourish our bodies. Enjoying music and good conversation with friends, while sharing our feelings openly in ways that make others desire to listen and engage with us, is a wonderful way to achieve balance and harmony within our bodies and within our lives.

Choosing balance requires honesty, a commitment to meditative practice, authenticity and self-awareness, while showing compassion for ourselves and others. By going within and allowing cloudy questions to become clear answers, we become stronger conduits to our own inner EnerQi vibration. This means being as real and as true to ourselves as we possibly can right here today, in this moment. Balance is the ability to love others in the ways in which we want to be loved in return. If sadness or loss is prevalent in our lives, we do not pretend it away. Letting our selves feel the pain and access the EnerQi of the situation creates a way to balance.

Being balanced is having the ability and the courage to look at any situation with as much awareness as we are capable of in any given moment with honesty. Like Yin and Yang, darkness and light, EnerQi, always changes and can be transformed. Acceptance and forgiveness also play a big part in achieving balance.

As we move about our lives, in our world and in our neighborhoods, we give off a vibration that is felt when we are in acceptance. Others pick up on our evenness. It creates a wave of good Enerqi within our lives and within our community. Maintaining an attitude of gratitude in one’s life while facing and accepting the challenge’s we all share will bring truth and inner happiness to us all.

In Part I of this series, we discussed the abundance of life today and the vastness of the subject of creating a life in balance. How we spend our time is a matter of personal choice. No one can make those decisions for us. Even if we work for someone else, we still have the choice whether or not to be there and how best to do our job. Something to remember is that some things are more important than others. Everything does not have the same weight in our lives.

My idea when I decided to write this series on balance was to learn about balance so that I could be productive, have fun, include my loved ones in my life, take good care of myself and not go crazy trying to do all of this. As I began my research, I was struck by how many experts found this topic difficult. I was relieved, because I, myself, had thought it almost impossible. Especially since I have so many interests and a desire to include most (if not all) of them in my life.

As we begin to explore the actual work of creating more balance in our lives, we need to first expand our awareness of how we currently spend our time. What is satisfying? What is not satisfying? Awareness is having knowledge of ourselves, being informed, being conscious. If we do not have this conscious awareness, we will have a hard time knowing what we need to change and what we need to keep.

Next, we explore our desire. How do we really want to spend our time? If we have written a statement of purpose and a vision of what we want the next chapter of our lives to look like, then we can develop a list of priorities. What needs to change? How do we feel about these changes? Do they excite us or fill us with fear? Again, we are expanding the awareness of ourselves. It does no good to try to make changes if we really do not want to do it. What do we want to keep the way it is? These are important decisions, and we need to be honest about our desires. If we are not, we may not be able to balance our lives in a way that feels successful. We ought to understand what pains us and what we find pleasant and rewarding. We might find something painful because we honestly have not yet thought about a way to do it that really works for us.

The job of understanding the obstacles that might stand in our way comes next. It is important to be prepared for how to deal with them. We can design the perfect day or week with the perfect allocation of time to bring us utmost fulfillment and joy. The problem here is that life is not stagnant. It is constantly changing, and, at any time, something can happen to disrupt our plans. How we deal with these changes is crucial to creating balance in life. Here is where acceptance and perseverance come into play. We need to pursue what we think is right for us but also to accept and let go or suspend what we’re doing temporarily if something changes and an unforeseen event takes precedence. Then we need persistence to return to our plan. What is important here is to use our resources to strategize about how to deal with any disturbance in the most effective way so that we can return to our original plan. It helps a great deal to think about the obstacles that might get in the way before they actually happen so that we are prepared.

When thinking about creating resources in our lives, it is important to remember that we use these resources to help us leverage our time so that we have more choices. For example, hiring a part-time assistant or someone to clean the house are two ideas of creating resources to provide leverage for us in our lives. Another is hiring a dog walker. We cannot do everything and still have the capacity to balance our lives.

When approaching balancing life, it is important to remember that we need to balance ourselves within and without. By within, I mean feeling balanced; the ability to feel calm and fulfilled in most areas of our lives. We might need meditation in our daily schedule. The actual working out of our priorities and scheduling them, while making certain that we do not waste too much time, is what I mean by balancing without.

In order to succeed in creating a life in balance, we need to be as organized as possible, which is another way of leveraging our time. Most people find that time management is the biggest challenge when trying to create balance. There are not only big events and moments to organize, but also small ones. I have found that everything that is re-occurring in life needs a system.

Some examples are: bill paying; mail sorting; exercise; laundry; house-cleaning; managing the garden or watering plants; balancing the checkbook; and preparing meals. All of these things need to be dealt with. Of course, we have our resources (such as a housekeeper or gardener), but what about the things we need to deal with ourselves? If we are organized, we will know where we keep our keys, our watch, when we shop for food, do the laundry or deal with our mail.

Make a list of your priorities first, and put it aside. Next, take a week and write down everything you do as it comes up. Then log in the time it takes you to do it. Be sure to pay attention to the things that eat up your time, such as television or telephone. I found it really challenging not to answer my cell phone whenever I’m working, even if I am working by myself on a project. When I take a break and check messages, I write down the calls I need to return, and unless it’s crucial to call immediately, I set it aside for when I am in my car (with a hands-free device) or when I am able to schedule phone time.

At the end of the week, check your log and see where you have wasted time. Create a plan to minimize time-wasters. You might find that you have a lot of them. That is actually good news because it means that you can gain a lot of time in your life to spend on other pursuits.

Next, it is time to plan your weekly schedule. Remember, there are only 168 hours in one week. However, if we are efficient about our use of this time, we will be amazed at how much we can accomplish. Once the general weekly schedule is done, plan a daily one. I like to plan on the previous day so that I know when I go to bed what the next day holds for me. It helps me to focus. Another thing I find helpful is to leave some extra time in the day for the unforeseen things that inevitably come up as the day progresses. Now, all of this might seem boring and uncreative. However, structuring anything as challenging as our lives is very creative, partly because we are making room for more creative time but also because we are not spending a lot of time figuring it out as we go along. This tends to minimize worry.

Pay attention to who you are. Are you someone who gets more done in the morning or in the evening? When is your energy the greatest? I know that, for the most part, I need to do my exercise in the morning because there is less chance of my getting too tired and skipping it. Whenever it is that you exercise, there are two important things to remember. Exercise is great for managing stress, and stress can interfere with our productivity. Exercise helps us sleep better at night so we drag less during the day. Also, exercise improves energy levels over time.

Most of us run more efficiently when we keep our blood sugar steady. Generally, several small meals help to keep the blood sugar steady throughout the day. You might want to plan your meals to give you maximum efficiency. Certain foods are energy food, such as lean protein and veggies, yogurt, whole grains. Junk food is heavy and tiring. Drinking plenty of water is not only healthy but also efficient. Dehydration causes fatigue. You may not think you are dehydrated, but apparently it happens.

Setting boundaries and being able to say no are two very useful skills. When someone asks us to take on a new commitment, it is helpful to think about it in a couple of ways. First, will this commitment honor our values, and will it fit in with our vision of how we want our lives to be? Having done that, we are ready to realistically assess the time it will take and whether or not we need to find something in our schedule we no longer need or want that it can replace. If it does not seem a good idea, we need to calmly, firmly and politely say no.

Email can be a huge time-waster. Lately, I have found that I need not participate in every joke and story that goes around the Internet. It takes too much of my time. Additionally, I have begun to unsubscribe from various Websites. I find it hard not to try to read most of what is sent to me, but the truth is, there is no way this is possible. Also, I can preview my emails and delete the ones for which I don’t have time without having to read them. Scheduling time to read emails is valuable as well.

Beliefs and attitudes play a large part in the success of anything. I have found that if I want to accomplish something, one of the greatest tools I have is the belief that I can do it. This works in a couple of ways. If I put my intension out to the universe that I can balance my life and have the time to do many things, it somehow works that the universe provides me help. This is an age-old thought, and I really believe it because I have seen it succeed many times. Another part of this is to visualize myself actually succeeding at the task and having fun doing it. I use affirmations to help me along the way. Affirmations are “I” statements in the present tense that I repeat several times a day to help myself with a new way of thinking, believing and behaving. The best thing about affirmations is that we need not necessarily believe the statement in order for it to work for us. These positive statements work best if we repeat them regularly. Eventually, they change our very thinking, as well as our self-confidence.

As our lives unfold, we want to be able to move from one thing to another with focus and with flow. That really is a tall order, but then managing our lives is really important and deserves our attention and our hard work.

Creating a life in balance is a process. It begins with knowledge of our most important values, a statement of purpose, a vision of how we want our lives to be and a desire to do the work to achieve our goals. All this teaches us wisdom. My experience is that it is good for the soul.

Life today is abundant. Think of all the ways there are to communicate: computers, cell phones, home phones, work phones, iPads and snail mail. We can work at home or in the office. It really is an amazing time. However, it is also a difficult time. Nothing is simple anymore. There are many decisions to be made and there is pressure everywhere. Even the life of a child is no longer simple. Therefore, it becomes imperative that we be able to keep focus, to understand our priorities, to be able to make choices that move us in the direction we want to go and to be as organized as is possible at any given moment. It is also equally important that we recognize what we can and what we cannot affect in our lives in order to use our valuable energy in the best of all possible ways.

The balance we seek is a tall order because it includes all things physical, mental and spiritual in our lives. These things all matter, but they cannot all matter equally at the same time. It helps to understand the vision we hold for ourselves for the next chapter of our lives. It makes our priorities easier to understand. Again, it comes back to choice.

In order to understand how to plan our lives in balance, we need to step back. We need to be calm so that we can look at our priorities and measure what needs to be done. How we balance our lives is a personal choice. Obviously we cannot do everything all the time. Therefore, it takes perspective to understand what our priorities are and how much time we want to spend in each of our important areas. Sometimes, it takes real commitment to do what we think is best, rather than just what we want to do.

Not every choice is a monumental one. In fact, life is made up of millions of small choices, ones that we make everyday without thinking of or being aware of the process. However, these small choices can affect larger choices or keep us stuck in old habits that need to be changed. In striving for balance in our lives, it can be helpful to actually observe ourselves, how we make the choices we make, and how they impact our lives.

Another note about small choices is that they are vital to our progress. Small choices are about small steps. If we look at the task of creating balance, it seems huge. In fact, it is too big to be taken in without a sense of overwhelm. Getting from here to there is about one small step at a time. Success is really possible this way.

Finding balance in life is a juxtaposition of perseverance and acceptance. Otherwise, we go through life frustrated and spend valuable time trying something that is not working. However, if we accept that we can do nothing about it, then we can turn our attention to something else.

Another form of this letting-go process is to consider the unexpected. If we are so structured that we are unable to recognize an opportunity that shows up unexpectedly, it is possible to miss that opportunity. We might need to understand and accept that the unexpected could trump our initial plans. We can do this by letting go and adjusting those plans when it seems best, embracing both discipline and creativity.

It often seems as though most of us live imbalanced lives while searching for some kind of equilibrium. Life balance is elusive; balance is not a natural state. Change is constant, so it makes sense that we need to continue to shift in order to achieve balance daily – or as often as we can. No matter what we do, we will constantly flow in and out of balance. It is much like riding a bicycle. Once we have started to ride and we are in balance, there might be a rut in the road or traffic, and we need to adjust, to realign to stay in balance.

Most people, when asked about life balance, talk about work as one part of their lives and everything else as another. However, when attempting to achieve a life in balance, it is crucial that we consider our work as an integral part of life, not a separate category.

Life balance is about personal fulfillment, about the sense of living a healthy and meaningful life. One important part of feeling fulfilled when we make a choice to balance our lives is to really focus on whatever it is that we have chosen to do. Spending time thinking about what we might be doing will make us feel not only unfulfilled but off balance. So perception is really important here. If we focus on what we are doing to achieve balance, give ourselves to it, we feel as though we have succeeded. And indeed we have.

One example might be this: you decide you need to spend more time with your kids, so you take them to the movies. If you focus on them, watch the movie with them, decide to enjoy this time away from work, you can feel fulfilled, maybe even joyous. However, if you spend the time worrying about the project you haven’t finished or checking your cell phone, you might feel frustrated, grouchy and out of balance. And you will definitely not feel fulfilled in any area.

Many people work at home these days. Now there’s a challenge when it comes to balance. Sometimes it is necessary to set a boundary for yourself in order to achieve the task at hand and move on to the next phase of your balanced life. Boundary-setting is an important tool when it comes to achieving balance. I have found that, while writing at home, I tend to clean house, answer the phone and take unplanned breaks. The result is that my work takes longer and is less focused. I now have boundaries for me. When working at home, I do not do anything else. It takes a lot of concentration, but I set up a schedule for breaks, lunch and returning phone calls.

If your goal is to be the absolute best at something, then your chances of having a life in balance are probably slim. It takes a certain single-mindedness and devotion to practicing whatever it is that you want to be the very best at, in order to achieve that goal. However, if you really do want to balance your life more than it is, it takes dedication to that ideal. If you “want it all,” you may have to adjust what that means to you, to simplify some of your desires in order to achieve others. This is the process of choice, of prioritizing again. It is important to understand what you really want before you can hope to achieve a life in balance.

Once we have understood our purpose and the vision we hold for ourselves, as well as our goals in our lives, we need to understand where we are out of balance. Obviously, we cannot fix the problem if we are uncertain what it is. Some people find that when they understand the problem and begin to go about fixing it, they realize that they are not entirely ready to make the necessary changes. It takes real commitment to change habits that have been with us for some time. However, we can begin slowly and see where this takes us and how it feels to us.

You might relate to being out of balance in several ways. Maybe you work so much that you do not spend the kind of time you would like with your family or your friends. Maybe you have been so busy that you haven’t paid much attention to your exercise program and diet. Maybe you used to get a great deal of joy out of a hobby (say photography), and now it has been years since you have taken photos. Maybe you are feeling guilty because you feel like you hardly ever see your children as a result of your long hours at work. Maybe you have not taken a vacation in years. Whatever your situation is, you could make the choice to seek balance in your life.
It may seem like an impossible task, but it is not. It is, however, difficult and takes hard work, knowledge of your priorities, organization, planning and, not least of all, flexibility.

Because there is such an abundance of responsibilities and choices, it is indeed difficult to achieve balance in our world today. I do believe, however, that as long as we are still breathing, there is the time and possibility of change. The choice as adults is up to each of us as to how we choose to live our lives. I have mentioned more than once that this process is difficult. One of the reasons for this is that we are habitual creatures and may need to change some of our habits. Anyone who has ever changed a habit would probably agree that it is not easy.

One habit many of us are familiar with is drinking. And one of the ways we were able to change this habit was by developing a support system. Why not involve some of your support system into this endeavor as well? Let your close friends know what you are attempting to do and ask if they would be willing to support you in this.

If you take a look at how much time you spend at each of the things that matter to you, you might find that a large part of your time, energy and effort is spent on something that is not at the top of your list of priorities. One of the difficult tasks ahead is to spend more time on what matters most, to borrow or simply take time away from something less important that eats up your time and energy. Take, for example, surfing the Web. How many times a day do we go to the Web to look something up and end up following it beyond where we were going? Before we know it, we’ve been there much longer than planned. That time could have been used for something on our list of priorities. Or this: One of my clients stated that she would go to a cupboard for something, notice that the cupboard needs organizing and spend time doing it right then. Maybe it would even make her late for something else.

If we really examine our lives, we might find that there are things we do which are not even on our list of priorities. Does that make you wonder whether or not they are worth doing at all? Perhaps you may decide to continue to do some of these things but to spend less of your precious time on them. These kinds of decisions heavily impact the direction of our lives.

Life balance is, in fact, a feeling that human beings experience when they sense that they are paying attention to all aspects of their lives — work, physical and emotional health, spirituality and relationships. These moments are worth celebrating, worth experiencing.

“Because life is dynamic, the real issue is not ‘balance,’ it’s balancing.
It’s creating the capacity to balance — day in, day out — in the unique and
ever-changing circumstances of our lives.”
— Roger & Rebecca Merrill

In our culture, this is the time of life where so many women start to panic…and lately, so are men. “I am getting old”, I hear in my therapy room. “I am fat, my body is sagging and I need plastic surgery.”

Perhaps you have been getting a vague sense of something missing in your life, or maybe you feel as though you have something yet to offer the world, but you are not sure what it is, and you feel that time is getting short.

Maybe your life feels a bit shallow and you long for more depth.

Welcome to midlife. All these feelings are common at this stage of life, and the way to address them is through spiritual growth. This is a time for much soul searching and finding our life’s mission.

This is a time in life for women where a new psychic energy takes over and you just cannot do things in the same old way. Your psyche won’t let you. This is a time when women go back to school, begin a new job, take on a new project or turn to a creative outlet. This is a time of life where we can have a spiritual awakening.

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

The first half of our adult life is all about establishing ourselves in a career, getting married, having children and, in general, doing the things the world asks of us.

The midlife time, often called the Second Adulthood, is where we do our work — the inner work that our soul asks of us. Our souls do not grow in smooth waters; they grow when they encounter rough seas, and we often seek out difficult situations to learn our life’s lessons. Midlife is a time for us to offer up our individual gifts to the world, making a deeper, more meaningful contribution.

As Joseph Campbell said, “Midlife crisis is getting to the top of the ladder, only to discover that it was leaning against the wrong wall.”

This is a time when we feel more vulnerable, but this vulnerability is not to be turned away from, but embraced as we gain a new perception of life. As the poet David Whyte teaches us, “It is time to come into a new conversation with the world, discovering how to apprentice yourself to beauty and find a place of belonging where you can hold loss and grief, the challenges of change and the wonder of new discovery and adventure.”

Midlife transition is a spiritual event, and if you are not pondering the big questions of life, your soul might provide you with an awakening that would not be of your choosing. I tell clients that women at midlife have three choices: Do their inner work and find the greater meaning of their life, get sick or turn bitter. Too often, the awakening comes after a great loss or illness.

We can change this perception by supporting each other to find the joys of midlife, to accept the wisdom that comes with age, to allow our faces to age naturally and see the beauty in each other.

“Midlife is a time to listen deeply to your heart. Whether we plan for this or not, midlife can be a period of transition and reappraisal. More inner questioning can occur.” – Carl Jung

Little girls are comfortable with themselves; they don’t even pay attention to what others think. Then adolescence hits and girls care about what everyone thinks and usually become self-conscious. This lasts until we accept the Wise Woman stage of life, where we no longer care what others think and become comfortable with ourselves again.

The Opening of Eyes

by David Whyte

That day I saw beneath dark clouds
The passing light over the water.
And I heard the voice of the world speak out,
I knew then, as I had before.
Life is no passing memory of what has been
Nor the remaining pages in a great book
Waiting to be read.
It is the opening of eyes long closed. It is the vision of far-off things seen for the silence
they hold. It is the heart, after years of secret conversing, speaking out loud in the clear
air.
It is Moses in the desert fallen to his knees before the lit bush. It is the man throwing
away his shoes as if to enter heaven and finding himself astonished, opened at last fallen
in love with solid ground.

Being on solid ground is the knowing of who you are and saying yes to what life has to offer you. So join your sisters, encourage them and celebrate them.

Rituals are very important in women’s lives. Women have been participating in rituals since the beginning of time. On my 50th birthday, my friends did a Wise Woman celebration for me, and it is something I will never forget. I was led to my friend’s garden, only to find a path of rose petals laid out for me leading to her pool. On the way to the pool each friend offering another gift met me. They sang to me; read me stories they had written about me. I never felt so special. As I think about turning 50, I think of that experience and I am filled with gratitude.

For each friend’s special birthday, we get together and do a ritual for them. This year, one friend turns 60, one 70 and one 80. These rituals are so beautiful that I have been asked to do them by other women for their special days.

Finding the joy of midlife is a collective journey.