This resulted in dropping out of college, losing my girlfriend, losing the respect of my non-using friends, and furthered my unhappiness. Due to this, I did what addicts do best. I used the aforementioned events to justify further use. But this time I was alone, no friends, no parties, no girls around just myself and my drug of choice. I was using copious amounts daily and thus needed a lot of money; so I began stealing in a variety of despicable ways, forging checks, stealing out of purses, wallets, making fraudulent A.T.M. withdrawals etc. This pinnacled when I had a drug overdose in which I was literally inches away from death (but you better believe I had a stash waiting for me when I left the hospital). In essence I had lost touch of all morality and lived to use and used to live.

Through Benchmark and The Matrix Recovery Program, I have learned more about myself and the nature of my disease than I have in the 6 or so “30 day band-aids” I have attended in the past.  Today although I still have struggles, I face them. I no longer need something external to make me feel internally sound. I have realized that relapse occurs way before I take that first drug or drink.  I have been proactive on my biggest fear: change.  Although my bottom may not be as low as others my life was completely unmanageable and my behaviors insane. Today I can look people in the eye and more importantly be able to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I owe a lot to Benchmark and the Matrix institute for the light they have shown me at the end of the darkness.