Life coaching works best for those on the “recovery path” if you are ready to receive additional support and encouragement, get past barriers that have been a hindrance, increase your courage and confidence, add a deeper meaning and appreciation of life, learn to be accountable for your actions and inactions, find and develop skills you were unaware of having, and becoming more independent.

In addition, recovery coaching is interested and focused on, helping you to change your focus from past worries and concerns to refocusing on the present and future. By focusing on the present and future, you will discover solutions that will assist you in your future goals and desires and of course, the main goal will be to stay off the drugs or alcohol. But the coaching aspect is there to enlighten you on potentials you have not been aware of for a long time, due to the alcohol or drug addiction. And, a life coach can also present to you strategies that are workable that will aid your recovery from the addiction and lead to positive life discoveries that will make your life more meaningful and purposeful.

Each person has their own reasons for hiring a life coach but some of those reasons other than recovery might be: a desire to achieve a particular goal but you don’t know how to achieve it, you’re thinking that maybe there are others that know how to achieve this goal and maybe they could help you, too. And, you are feeling deep inside, a longing to change your life; to make it better.

There are some who don’t know what a life coach is. So, a definition….A life coach is someone who is professional and reliable; who have a desire to work with people who want to make an improvement in their lives such as losing weight, improving their business or finding a new one, in recovery, or understanding themselves better so that they can be happier and healthier.

Life coaches deal with those who want to make their lives better such as finding a better job, seeking healthier relationships, working toward a healthier body image and overcoming personal problems. They also deal with stress management as well as time management, goal setting and other key areas of change to help their clients lead more balanced lives that better reflect clients’ personal values and priorities. It differs from therapy in that the focus is more on the present and future than the past, more on goals and behaviors than emotions and emotional patterns, and there is a more equal balance of power between the coach and client than between the typical therapist and client.

Some might also ask, “How does one find a life coach?” Or, “Where do I look for such an individual and how do I know that they are reliable, credible and can help me reach the goals I am seeking? And, what are the qualities of a life coach?”

Searching for a life coach is not difficult because its popularity and need are growing every year. Many good coaches can be found online. Coaches can also be found by referrals through personal or business friends. Often you can ask for a free trial to see if you are compatible with the coach. Most coaches specialize in such areas as body fitness and losing weight, or honing in on a work or hobby skill, such as golfing or speaking to large groups of people.

And, another question might be, “What are the qualifications/backgrounds of those who become a life coach?” Some life coaches take courses at coach training institutes while others have valuable life experiences that they can share, others have a background in psychotherapy that can help those who are low in self-esteem and needing encouragement and others who own their own business or have MBAs—are just a few examples of life coaches; those who can offer valuable insights on personal improvement and achievement. The cost of most life coach services varies in price.

So, if you are in need of a life coach and seeking guidance toward recovery or improvement in your life, do some research, experience a trial session and reach for the stars!

Marty Brenner, CCBCDC – California Certification Board of Chemical Dependency Counselors
Anger Management – Domestic Violence – Addiction Recovery
9171 Wilshire Blvd #660
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
Web: www.Talktomartyb.com
Email: marty@talktomartyb.com

Anger on the other hand, is a very strong feeling of hostility or displeasure. You and I know when we are angry; we feel disturbed or hostile about an event, person or action and we desire some kind of resolution. In addition, those who are more prone to bursts of anger, see much of life as stressful or threatening. When we feel anger, we often want to fight back with hostile words, actions; both verbal and nonverbal. Sometimes we shout at others our displeasure or retaliate in ways that are unacceptable to those close to us and society. However, some of the time, we hold in our anger and before we know it, we feel depressed and either withdraw or act in a passive aggressive way through letters, email, shouting, etc.

Depression manifests itself in some of the following ways: being over tired, feeling ill, having little energy, having no desire to do things that once brought pleasure, insomnia, guilty feelings, overeating or having no appetite, irritable, worried and not being able to sleep.

And so, knowing what anger and depression are, we can see a connection because as an old saying goes, “depression is anger turned inward.” When we feel depressed, it is often because we have been unable to express our anger and when we can’t express anger, we sometimes push it down deep inside and then become depressed.

So, when depression sets in, what can we do to get rid of it and understand where it’s coming from? Here are some questions and insights that can help you know where the depression is coming from and how to handle it..

Examine and find out where your depression is coming from. For example, is your spouse or family member doing something that is making you feel depressed or does it just feel that way? Or, maybe your boss is being unfair in his treatment toward you; perhaps giving your promotion to someone else you perceive as undeserving?
Are you having some health problems? Financial concerns?
Has someone turned away from you?
Do you feel that you are no longer in control of your life?
Are your parents in need-physically, financially or emotionally– but you feel unable to help them?
There are ways that anger can be better managed. Here are just a few ways this can be done:
When you’re angry, share those feelings with someone, but do this when you are calm.
Don’t get into the habit of criticizing or blaming others. Look inside to see if perhaps you are partly the reason for the anger.
Whoever is making you angry, discuss with him or her in private, how to prevent another angry occurrence.
Exercise to help get the anger out. If you have a hobby, get into it.
Let your anger go. Don’t hang on to it, for it will fester and grow and you don’t need such anger in your life.

In addition, you can limit and better control your anger and frustrations by staying away from what is making you mad. Seek and find out, more productive and positive ways of behaving. Being more expressive in your communication with others, without ranting or talking loudly, will work better and you will find that when you do, you will feel more in control and positive. In addition, be aware of the “anger areas,” –people or situations that bring on the anger. Stay away from them as much as possible and keep a journal of when, where and why anger develops and grows.

And, if substance abuse is an issue in your life, then seeking professional help and guidance from a trained psychologist and/or AA program can help a great deal. Both are professional and knowledgeable and can guide you toward better physical and mental health, especially in the areas of managing your anger and depression.

AA is particularly helpful when there are issues of anger and depression, mixed with alcohol abuse; due in fact to their Twelve Steps Program. Steps 5 and 6 are particularly helpful: “Step #5—Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all and Step#6– Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

California Law Addresses Family Violence and Parental Custody

California Family Code Section 3044 attempts to speak for the children, addressing parental custody rights in families affected by domestic violence. Custody and visitation issues are among the most contested in cases of divorce, dissolution and legal separation.  Under this California state code, individuals who are convicted of or admit to committing domestic violence or abuse can lose child custody rights.

The law states: “Upon a finding by the court that a party seeking custody of a child has perpetrated domestic violence against the other party seeking custody of the child or against the child or the child’s siblings within the previous five years, there is a rebuttable presumption that an award of sole or joint physical or legal custody of a child to a person who has perpetrated domestic violence is detrimental to the best interest of the child, pursuant to Section 3044. This presumption may only be rebutted by a preponderance of the evidence.”

Judges Can Make Exceptions For Batterers Who Better Themselves

The courts do take certain factors into account before rendering a decision in a child custody case. These include:

Whether the perpetrator of domestic violence has successfully completed a batterer’s treatment program that meets certain criteria.

• Whether he or she has successfully completed a drug or alcohol treatment program if thecourt determines this is necessary.
• Whether or not the person has successfully completed a parenting course if the court deems it necessary.
• Whether the perpetrator is on probation or parole and whether or not he or she has complied with the terms.
• Whether the perpetrator has committed any further acts of violence against any of his or her family members.

The Innocent Victims Deserve to Feel Loved and Protected

One problem with this section of California’s family code is that it cannot protect every child. The shame and degradation victims feel when they are abused often keeps them from reporting incidents. Because of the stigma associated with family violence, many people and their children live in silence and constant fear.
Children deserve to have a loving and safe place to call home. They deserve to feel secure and protected, especially in their homes. Yet they are often the innocent victims. They can suffer long-term psychological damage even if they are not abused but witness a parent or guardian being victimized. Witnessing or experiencing violence first hand in the home can also lead young people to continue the cycle of violence. Experts will tell you that a great majority of domestic violence abusers grew up in violent homes. The psychological toll of family violence on children is devastating. It can manifest in physical, psychological, emotional and behavioral problems.

Where to Go For Help in Dealing with Domestic Violence

Mediation is available for families struggling with domestic violence issues. Getting control of anger and knowing the triggers is often the first step. The underlying feelings that boil over into rage could include jealousy, frustration, guilt or inadequacy. In many cases, domestic violence is about control and one person’s desire to exert it over another. Manipulation is often a factor in domestic violence cases, and many abusers will apologize and vow to never let it happen again. But it usually does.

Marty Brenner, CCDC, has helped to salvage thousands of lives and relationships by counseling men and women from every walk of life on anger management and domestic violence. Because the two are so closely linked, Marty works to help clients overcome their issues so they can avoid anger that escalates into violence toward another. Brenner is a certified chemical dependency counselor who has helped people from varied backgrounds, from ex-cons to company executives and high-profile celebrities. Marty’s well-known and successful practice is based in Beverly Hills, Ca. where he has spent 20 years providing guidance and counseling. He is also available for interventions and phone consultations.

Uncontrolled anger can devastate relationships, families and careers. Anger and domestic violence are often fueled by alcohol or drug abuse and addiction. Professional help is needed to sort through the complicated mess that this creates. Marty has been sober for 20 years and completely understands the ramifications of addiction and how to treat it. He can help those affected by domestic violence get to the root of their anger and addiction.

Healing from Domestic Violence is Possible

Domestic violence is said to affect one out of every four women at some time in their lives. Children are often caught in the middle, whether directly or indirectly. In California, children of parents who are splitting up and have experienced domestic violence in the home have some protection under California’s Family Code. An abuser convicted in the last five years of domestic violence jeopardizes his or her parental custody rights. The code aims to keep kids safe from a turbulent and violent home life.

Marty counsels those who have been abused and the abusers who need help in order to recover. His strategy is to help people channel their negative, destructive behaviors into healthy, productive actions. Healing from family violence is possible. If you are the one abusing a domestic partner, spouse or family member, don’t wait to get help. Your family and your life depend on it.

Marty Brenner CCBCDC
9171 Wilshire Blvd. #660 Beverly Hills, CA 90210
Phone: 213.500.8865
Fax: 310.273.1010
Email: marty@talktomartyb.com
www.domesticviolencetalktomarty.com

Teenagers are highly likely to face pressures from peer-groups, parents, and teachers, and hence, bound to feel frustrated at some time or the other. However, proper teen anger management should be meted to them so that they can deal with the emotion of anger in a positive and constructive way.

Physical abuse, verbal lashings, and other destructive behaviors are some common outlets of anger among teenagers. Even sulking and withdrawing from others are some ways in which teenagers vent their anger. Both the aforementioned outlets are destructive not only to others, but also to themselves. Hence, teen anger management is a basic requirement for every teen that exhibits signs of uncontrolled anger.

The first step towards making an effective teen anger management is helping the teenager to understand the roots of his or her anger. Usually, anger is a result of other factors such as rejection, frustration, failure, pressure, and others. Therefore, it becomes mandatory to understand the underlying causal factor that leads teens to lose control over their anger.

Besides gaining an idea of the causal factor of angry outbursts, parents or counselors should also discuss any problem that is bothering the individual and try to share experiences that can help the teen to think and act positively. Understanding the cause of anger and discussing their problems helps parents or other counselors to suggest and advise teenagers to react to those anger-stimulating factors in some alternate ways.

Anger as an emotion is beyond the control of every human being, and especially teenagers who try and cope up with many pressures in their lives; however, expressing anger in socially acceptable and desirable way is what teen anger management all about.

Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex or anger, addiction is as real for the homeless man
living on the street as it is for the high school student, a nurse at your local hospital and a top
executive or celebrity. People from all walks of life are insecure about the times we’re living in.
The constant news of a worsening economy, lost jobs, the foreclosure crisis and war weighs
heavy on everyone’s minds.

The way we choose to deal with our pain, anxiety and anger can make or break us. Engaging
in excessive, risky behaviors can escalate beyond our control quickly, especially when it comes
to drinking alcohol and doing drugs, including opiates like heroin and OxyContin and
benzodiazepines like Valium, Xanax and Klonopin. Using external sources to cope with our
pain almost always leads to more trouble. Taking out our anger on others can lead to
instances of escalating domestic violence. Anger issues and resulting episodes of domestic
abuse so often run hand-in-hand.

Naming Names: Notable Examples of Addiction Among the Rich and Powerful

Take for example William Bennett, who for more than 20 years has been a government
official, speaker, author, President Ronald Reagan’s education secretary and a drug czar under
George W. Bush. Bennett has spent the good part of his career extolling the virtues of moral
responsibility. His admission of a gambling problem is just one example that the disease of
addiction affects the wealthy and powerful in addition to individuals and families.
In the last few years, the stories of drug- and sex-addicted politicians have dominated
headlines. Disgraced New York Governor Elliot Spitzer was involved in high-end prostitution.
Evangelist Ted Haggard, who spoke vehemently about the evils of homosexuality, was
embroiled in a gay sex scandal. President Gerald Ford and his wife Betty believe President Bill
Clinton is a sex addict. Betty Ford pioneered an addiction treatment program after her own
battle with drugs and alcohol.

Denial and Hypocrisy Are At the Core of Addiction

Addiction is a national scourge in America, with an enormous cost to society. Many people,
including the rich and powerful, believe their problems can be solved by abstaining from the
behavior. Such denial, coupled with compulsive behaviors, is at the very core of addiction.
Unless treated with access to on-going recovery support, these types of addicts may stop their
behaviors for a period of time to avoid scrutiny and suspicion. The cycle of addiction shows,
however, that the behavior will likely manifest in some way eventually.

The underlying issues and destructive tendencies that drive an addiction need to be treated. If
they’re not, most addicts will experience a relapse of their risky behavior. Public figures like
Bennett, who has been very critical of Clinton’s skirt-chasing, is one of thousands of people in
power who use hypocrisy and denial as a cloak behind which they hide.

The Impact of Addiction is Devastating, No Matter Who the Addict Is

It’s important for the disease of addiction to be treated as such. It is a serious illness that can
tear apart families, ruin careers and derail relationships, both personal and professional. The
rich and powerful are often able to keep their addictions secret – at least for awhile – and for
this reason, don’t receive the much-needed evaluations and diagnoses for their problems. This
keeps them from seeking appropriate treatment that could put them on the road to recovery.
A well-connected executive or politician can disgrace themselves and their families in addition to affecting the confidence of every person and employee they come in contact with.

Oftentimes, so many have put their faith in these high-powered people that when addictions
do surface, an entire country can be devastated.

Lifting the Cloak of Secrecy: The First Step in the Recovery Process

Complete honesty in the addiction recovery process can go a long way toward healing. Betty
Ford is a good example, as her own road to recovery has been an international example that
many have followed with success. She helped to break down the stigma associated with
addiction, leading so many out from under the cloak of denial.

An addiction is a chronic and progressive disease that can affect anyone, from any walk of life.
The huge impact of addiction across the globe is evident in our jails, court rooms, prisons,
schools, hospitals and history books. From the outside, it might look like there’s a difference
between the addict who chases a high on the street and the addict who uses his political,
religious or star power to hide risky behavior. The underlying issues and the suffering and pain
they experience are often very much the same.

Many Issues Can Underlie an Addiction

Feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness often fuel an addiction. These same feelings bring
on uncontrolled anger which usually leads to domestic violence. Unresolved issues from
childhood often surface. Sometimes it’s personal tragedy that leads one down the path to
addiction. With many top officials, entertainers and executives, the stress and pressure of
their positions may lead them to use alcohol, drugs, sex, rage, food or gambling to cope. In
some cases, the ego involved with having a top position leads people into lives of risk-taking
and excess.

Regardless of the issue or issues at the heart of an addiction, professional help is needed to
sort through emotions and treat the physical and/or psychological addictions. Many different
treatment protocols are available to help with addiction, from 12-step programs, to
psychotherapy, to faith-based programs. These can be individual or group programs offered in
an in-patient or out-patient setting.

Whatever course of treatment you choose, it’s important to know that owning up to a problem
is a step in the right direction. Only then can the healing and recovery process begin. That
journey to recovery can be challenging, no matter who you are, but qualified professionals can
help you at every step of the way.

Anger Management and Domestic Violence Counselor Offers Help

Marty Brenner, CCDC, helps rebuild and save lives by counseling men and women from every
walk of life on anger management and domestic violence. Because the two are so closely
linked, Marty works to help clients overcome their issues so they can avoid anger that
escalates into violence toward another.

The certified chemical dependency counselor has helped reshape the lives of thousands of
people, from ex-cons to company executives and high-profile celebrities. Marty’s successful
practice is based in Beverly Hills, Ca. where he has spent 20 years providing guidance and
counseling. He is also available for interventions and phone consultations.

Marty Brenner Reaches Clients on a Different Level, Speaking from Experience

If you or someone you know struggles with issues of drug addiction, anger or domestic
violence, Marty can help. His wisdom comes from years of personal and professional
experience. A recovering addict with 20 years of sobriety under his belt, Marty treats each
client with compassion and respect. He is able to speak from experience, allowing him to
connect to each client on a personal level.

Marty offers individualized programs that consist of the following services: Anger management
counseling, crisis prevention, intervention, life management skills, relapse prevention,
outpatient addiction treatment and medical detoxification.

Much of his work centers on treating clients who need anger management therapy and
domestic violence counseling. His treatment includes workbooks, presentations and Individual
approach therapy.

The Cycles of Anger, Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence Are Linked

Marty’s strategies to deal with anger management include helping clients channel their anger
into healthy, productive behavior. In many cases people who suffer from anger issues lash out
at those around them, namely the friends and family members who often try to help. Anger
and domestic violence can lead to ruined relationships, tearing apart families and friendships.
They can also devastate careers and lead to criminal penalty.

Drug use and addiction often coexist with anger and violence. Marty understands that anger,
violence and substance abuse are linked. Oftentimes, substance abuse and mental health
clients have suffered traumatic life events which lead them to a life of drug use, anger and
violence. Despite the clear connection between substance abuse, anger and violence, few
programs are able to effectively treat them together.

With much success, Marty’s program can get to the root of the anger problem and work with
clients to replace negative behaviors and responses with healthy ones. Being able to contain
anger and other dark emotions gives our clients the ability to avoid situations that could
potentially lead to substance abuse and episodes of domestic violence.

A recent example, Don Cornelius, the legendary host of Soul Train, was put on thirty six
months of probation after pleading no contest to one count of “corporeal injury resulting in
traumatic condition of a spouse.” The incident in question happened in October when he
apparently assaulted his wife Victoria.

While not present when the judgment was handed down on Thursday in the L.A. County
Superior Court in Van Nuys, Cornelius has been slapped with a long list of requirements
including:

1. $1,000 in fines
2. 300 hours of community service
3. Inability to own, use or possess any deadly weapons
4. Mandate to not use or threaten violence to any person, especially Victoria
5. Mandate to complete a 52 week domestic violence treatment program
6. Mandate to stay 100 yards from the Mulholland estate where the attack took place

Marty Brenner CCBCDC
9171 Wilshire Blvd. #660 Beverly Hills, CA 90210
Phone: 213.500.8865
Fax: 310.273.1010
Email: marty@talktomartyb.com

The age in which we live is full of stressors that can build and trigger a slew of negative emotions. Anxiety and frustration are everywhere in today’s society and the way in which we choose to deal with them can have a profound impact on our lives. What we choose to do with our pain is up to us. Channeling it into a negative place can be devastating for us and others. Finding ways to cope with anger positively can improve the quality of our lives and relationships.

The bad news is everywhere, and hitting close to home for many of us. Who doesn’t know someone who is facing the loss of a job or the threat of foreclosure? Companies are downsizing and layoffs are happening. Unemployment rolls are getting longer by the day. The downturn in the economy is old news. The fallout from this situation is what’s relevant now. The nightly news is profiling the everyday person who is facing homelessness and the ones who are a paycheck away from losing everything. The press has even recently reported on people who have taken their own lives after being foreclosed on. What’s happening is that people feel they are losing control. And with that fear comes anger, anxiety, depression and desperation.

Giving up completely is an easy way out. Giving into anger and other dark emotions can consume us. The insecurity over today’s issues can lead us to a life of excess when it comes to drinking, eating, taking drugs, gambling or engaging in other behaviors to self-medicate our numb ourselves. But learning new strategies to deal with our emotional issues and fears is the key to our survival and prosperity. Otherwise, the negativity can trickle down, affecting every aspect of our lives – marriages, families, other relationships, careers and finances.

What You Believe About Yourself Could Make or Break You

Loving ourselves and forgiving our past mistakes are steps in the right direction. Psychologists dating back to Freud have said that many of our emotional problems stem from stressing over, avoiding or denying parts of ourselves that we feel bad about. It is important to accept ourselves now and as we were then to begin to make progress. We need to be aware of negative labels we place on ourselves and those given to use by others. Let’s say someone influential in your life, somewhere along the way, told you that you’d never amount to anything. Did you internalize that statement? Do you believe it to be true? If you do, those kind of statements can come back to haunt you, especially in stressful times. Perhaps you’re facing a job loss. How will those feelings of worthlessness serve you? Not well if you hold the belief that you won’t be able to find a job or provide for yourself or your family.

Begin by recognizing positive aspects of yourself. Are you loving and kind? Trustworthy and dedicated? Make a list if you have to and keep it nearby. Remind yourself that you are worthy and that you can focus on happiness, abundance and gratitude. Spend some time each day visualizing past successes and future achievements. If you have a job interview coming up, walk through it in your mind from first introduction to the end. Envision yourself coming up with the right answers, without effort, and see yourself accepting the job and becoming a productive member of the team.

Anger and Anxiety Can Be Addicting and Cyclical

Holding on to anger or living in a constant anxious state can do serious damage to yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. It can lead to high blood pressure, stomach and heart disease and depression. By the same token, letting go of those negative feelings in an inappropriate way can hurt you and those around you. Negativity, anger and anxiety can multiply. They can also be addicting.

Take for instance the case of Barb, a single mom who is late on her mortgage payment. Higher costs for food and gas left her a little short one month. Barb has a great deal of anxiety about getting so far behind that she won’t be able to recover. This triggers additional stress over whether she’ll be able to cover other bills and feed her young children. At this point, her chest is tight, her heart rate has increased and she’s feeling the physical effects of anxiety. She begins to worry about her health and what would become of her children if something happened to her. And the cycle continues. This negative emotion-thought feedback loop is a primary factor in panic attacks.

Those who choose an anxious or angry lifestyle often get trapped there. Accepting “what is” can be a starting point. If you are worried about your marriage or finances, accept the current situation. Know that you have no control over the economic downturn or the trickle-down effect it’s having on communities and businesses. Focus on what you do have at the moment – loved ones, a place to live, food to eat and breath in your lungs. Feel grateful for it all. Historically, times of recession have had their place in an economy. It always rebounds, oftentimes stronger than it was before. Ups and downs are natural parts of any economy, including ours. Know and believe that you will prosper again and takes steps now to prepare for it.

Lashing Out Hurts You and Those Close to You

Our anger and frustration often centers over our fear of losing control. You might feel like you can’t control whether or not you will lose your job, be able to pay your bills or whether your health will fail you. You may become easily frustrated when you don’t get what you think you need, expect or deserve. It can be extremely helpful to recognize what is making you upset and understand why you lack the confidence in your own ability to be happy. Exploring your fears and underlying emotions is another useful strategy. If you feel helpless, admit it and move on. Do you fear that you lack something, be it money, love or the right clothes? Recognize whether this fear is valid. Do you worry about not having enough money because it may affect your bills or because of how it will look to your neighbors and friends? Knowing these underlying reasons can help you sort through the negative emotions and move toward acceptance.

Fear and resentment are incompatible with love. We often lash out and hurt the ones we love most. Being verbally or physically aggressive with others can do permanent damage to relationships. When faced with the urge to lash out, stop and think of the consequences. Choose constructive ways to deal with issues such as talking about them. Assume that others operate with the best intentions. Look for the win-win in any situation and choose love – it will bring you closer to your Higher Self. If these strategies don’t work, take a time out or walk away to regain composure.

Anger Management Techniques Help Channel Negative Emotions

Exercise and other forms of physical activity are great ways to channel negative energy. Try working out, going for a jog, gardening, taking a few deep breaths or re-centering yourself with calming yoga moves. These are great ways to release and regain control over yourself. Other methods that work for many people include praying, meditating, journaling, listening to music and talk therapy. The right therapist can help you identify triggers, avoid them and work on possible underlying issues, fears and beliefs that contribute to anger or frustration. Anger management techniques can help us deal with the external situations that arise every day. They may help you understand that although you can’t control or change the external factors, you can do something about the way you act and react.
When people realize their marriages or other relationships are in trouble, many try to immediately blame the other person. While the other person may be at fault to some degree, it is important to look inward and honestly assess what role you played in the issues. Relationship conflicts rank among the highest causes of stress. The progression of anger and frustration into physical aggression is often seen in close, personal relationships. Anger management can help you sort through feelings and provide strategies for avoiding escalating anger.

If you can commit to controlling anger instead of letting it control you, you are on your way to winning that inner battle. Daily affirmations can help to recondition your inner landscape. Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones can help in all situations. It’s important to understand that you are a soul that has a primal, natural instinct to be in peace and happiness. Your Higher Self requires – demands – sustained peace and harmony. No outside trigger has the power to change this, unless you let it. Every moment you spend in turmoil is one less moment you have to enjoy and savor.

Behaving Badly

Christian Bale is no stranger to the ranting and raving so common today among celebrity types. Whether they feel some sense of entitlement or superiority, gross displays of celebrity anger are everywhere. In Bale’s case, a July outburst on a movie set has left his public image in tatters. He has apologized for the incident, calling himself a “punk” and saying he was “way out of order.” But this was not the first time Bale’s misbehaving ways attracted international press. His recent tirade of expletives came on the set of Terminator: Salvation and was aimed at one of the film’s crewmembers. He reportedly became upset when the man walked into one of Bale’s shots. Unfortunately for Bale, the four-minute outburst was recorded and played back for the world to hear.

Bale was arrested for another July incident – just a few days later – after allegedly assaulting his mother and sister in London’s Dorchester Hotel. The assault was said to occur right before the London premiere of “The Dark Knight,” in which he played the most recent incarnation of Batman. Charges were later dropped in that case and Bale denied the assault ever happened.

Was the Hollywood Pressure Cooker a Factor in Bale’s Meltdown?

Bale is notoriously tight-lipped when it comes to talking to the press, leading the media, bloggers and his fans worldwide to speculate about the possible causes of his meltdown. It could be that Bale simply cracked under the pressure of a hectic promotional and filming schedule. Couple that with back-to-back projects, an unrelenting press and a hectic travel schedule and it’s not hard to imagine why Bale may have been rather irritable. But the mistake he made – that so many people make – is in lashing out at others when we are feeling angry or troubled.

Anger Can Be A Way of Life for Some

At its worst, anger is an all-consuming emotion, capable of triggering great physical and psychological illness. For some, anger is an occasional response to a perceived slight or a negative situation. For others, anger is a way of life. It has the ability to highjack every thought and idea, to take over people entirely, ruining everything in its path. Anger can manifest in violence and destruction if left unchecked. The body’s response to anger is unmistakable and well documented. It releases adrenalin that increases the heart rate and blood pressure. Over time, this can lead to disease within the body, including stomach and heart disease, depression and high blood pressure.
Angry and anxious people are everywhere in today’s fast paced society. The everyday pressures of life, the economic instability and news of job losses and company downsizing affect us all on some level. Many people are worried about their futures and the futures of their families. Headlines around the country scream that the world is in turmoil due to foreclosures, lay-offs and bankruptcies. So how do we collectively handle all of these stresses? Many people turn inwards, shutting down and storing negative emotions that build up over time. Finding constructive ways to handle stress and pressure goes a long way toward keeping the peace.

Creating Balance in a Chaotic World

Stress, life crisis, unfulfilled expectations and the breakdown of close, interpersonal relationships can all be powerful anger triggers. Recognizing these triggers is a step in the right direction. Any form of stress is said to be a buildup of negative thoughts that cause a response to overwhelming or unfamiliar demands. Dwelling on past events or hardships can keep the negativity flowing. Re-living negative emotions and the baggage associated with them can be just as damaging as the events themselves. Understanding that the past cannot be changed, and being able to move on from there, helps us and makes us more unlikely to repeat old mistakes.

Bale could have chosen to simply ignore the man or to ask him politely not to interrupt the scene again. But the emotional and physical response we sometimes have to external triggers can get overblown. Bale gave up his control over anger, letting the dark emotion take hold instead. Creating harmony and balance within oneself is possible, given the right tools.

Managing Anger

The first step in resolving anger issues is to realize that you, and only you, are in control over your emotions and reactions. The energy expended on anger is far greater than what is needed to retrain your way of thinking. It may sound oversimplified, but you’ve no doubt heard about the power of positive thinking. It is possible to create the life and relationships you want. Positive affirmations can have a powerful effect on every aspect of your life. It took years to develop the negative thought patterns that contribute to chronic anger, so re-training your brain won’t happen overnight. But you will be surprised to find that adopting a positive outlook and the feelings that come along with it can be just as addicting.

Anger management counseling helps patients identify triggers and adopt strategies to improve self control. Medication, relaxation, meditation and exercise are sometimes used to facilitate the healing process. Strategies may include ways to strengthen coping skills and teaching you how to adapt to situations and overcome challenges. This can be done through deep breathing, writing, role-playing and exercise.

Anger is About Control

Underlying anger is caused by our perception of a loss of control over factors affecting our core values. These values could include pride, love and money. In Bale’s case, perhaps he felt he was being treated unfairly and had lost control over his performance. We tend to have a negative emotional response when we don’t get what we want or expect.

Anger can be constructive at times, allowing us to fight back if we find ourselves under attack physically. In most cases, it merely clouds our judgment, throws us off track and causes added stress. The negative attention surrounding Bale’s case has undoubtedly caused him more stress than what he felt in that instant when he overreacted. Essentially, he created the situation he finds himself in. Regaining your power over anger may require you to explore the hurt and fear underlying the anger, develop empathetic understanding of others and assume people operate under the best intentions. Had Bale recognized that the man was not intentionally trying to ruin his shot, he may have reacted differently or not at all. Try to always look for the win-win in any situation. Take a time-out if someone is getting too upset, and try to find constructive ways to release negative energy.

Changing the Way We Respond

We cannot unlearn old beliefs or habits. Once something is committed to our internal memory, it stays put. Just like you can’t unlearn that 2+2=4, we can never completely unlearn our past experiences, whether they were positive or negative. What we can do, is change the way we respond, by understanding the negatives and acting on the positives. Staying focused on the present and future keeps us from staying stuck in the past. One way to think of it is to realize that we are not exactly the same people who made past mistakes. We have learned, grown and changed since then, so it’s unproductive to blame the people we used to be. Try this: Make a list of all of your positive attributes, as you are now. Keep the list close by and periodically remind yourself of these positive qualities.

Harboring anger is damaging to the mind, heart and spirit. The basic nature of the soul is to always remain calm and blissful, despite all odds. By allowing yourself to get carried away by anger, you are going against the natural state of your being. Sometimes, people get so ingrained in an angry lifestyle that they forget how easy it is to be happy. The following is a list of suggested steps to take when you find yourself plagued by anger.

1.)Stop.
2.)Recognize what you are feeling is anger.
3.)Make a decision as to whether you will react in typical fashion or try something new. 4.)Commit to making a change and working through issues, and follow through on that commitment.
5.)Don’t act on your first instincts.
6.)Take a deep breath and realize that whatever you think you feel (sadness, irritation, or frustration) is really masked anger.

Consequences, Acceptance and the Conscious Choice to Be Happy

Being able to project forward to the consequences of our actions is also a very important step in keeping ourselves in check. Our harsh words and actions can hurt people and ruin relationships. Certainly, the fallout can be far worse for someone like Bale who is in the public eye – especially when that tirade is unleashed in a room full of rolling cameras and sound equipment.

Even though you may not fully understand things that happen in your life, you can choose to accept that it’s just the way things are. This level of acceptance can bring you to a place of peace within yourself. Remember: every moment of anger is one less moment of happiness. You cannot feel anger and happiness at the same time. It is a choice, and it’s a no-brainer. Choose happiness. Only you have the power to do it.