In Part I of this series, we discussed the abundance of life today and the vastness of the subject of creating a life in balance. How we spend our time is a matter of personal choice. No one can make those decisions for us. Even if we work for someone else, we still have the choice whether or not to be there and how best to do our job. Something to remember is that some things are more important than others. Everything does not have the same weight in our lives.

My idea when I decided to write this series on balance was to learn about balance so that I could be productive, have fun, include my loved ones in my life, take good care of myself and not go crazy trying to do all of this. As I began my research, I was struck by how many experts found this topic difficult. I was relieved, because I, myself, had thought it almost impossible. Especially since I have so many interests and a desire to include most (if not all) of them in my life.

As we begin to explore the actual work of creating more balance in our lives, we need to first expand our awareness of how we currently spend our time. What is satisfying? What is not satisfying? Awareness is having knowledge of ourselves, being informed, being conscious. If we do not have this conscious awareness, we will have a hard time knowing what we need to change and what we need to keep.

Next, we explore our desire. How do we really want to spend our time? If we have written a statement of purpose and a vision of what we want the next chapter of our lives to look like, then we can develop a list of priorities. What needs to change? How do we feel about these changes? Do they excite us or fill us with fear? Again, we are expanding the awareness of ourselves. It does no good to try to make changes if we really do not want to do it. What do we want to keep the way it is? These are important decisions, and we need to be honest about our desires. If we are not, we may not be able to balance our lives in a way that feels successful. We ought to understand what pains us and what we find pleasant and rewarding. We might find something painful because we honestly have not yet thought about a way to do it that really works for us.

The job of understanding the obstacles that might stand in our way comes next. It is important to be prepared for how to deal with them. We can design the perfect day or week with the perfect allocation of time to bring us utmost fulfillment and joy. The problem here is that life is not stagnant. It is constantly changing, and, at any time, something can happen to disrupt our plans. How we deal with these changes is crucial to creating balance in life. Here is where acceptance and perseverance come into play. We need to pursue what we think is right for us but also to accept and let go or suspend what we’re doing temporarily if something changes and an unforeseen event takes precedence. Then we need persistence to return to our plan. What is important here is to use our resources to strategize about how to deal with any disturbance in the most effective way so that we can return to our original plan. It helps a great deal to think about the obstacles that might get in the way before they actually happen so that we are prepared.

When thinking about creating resources in our lives, it is important to remember that we use these resources to help us leverage our time so that we have more choices. For example, hiring a part-time assistant or someone to clean the house are two ideas of creating resources to provide leverage for us in our lives. Another is hiring a dog walker. We cannot do everything and still have the capacity to balance our lives.

When approaching balancing life, it is important to remember that we need to balance ourselves within and without. By within, I mean feeling balanced; the ability to feel calm and fulfilled in most areas of our lives. We might need meditation in our daily schedule. The actual working out of our priorities and scheduling them, while making certain that we do not waste too much time, is what I mean by balancing without.

In order to succeed in creating a life in balance, we need to be as organized as possible, which is another way of leveraging our time. Most people find that time management is the biggest challenge when trying to create balance. There are not only big events and moments to organize, but also small ones. I have found that everything that is re-occurring in life needs a system.

Some examples are: bill paying; mail sorting; exercise; laundry; house-cleaning; managing the garden or watering plants; balancing the checkbook; and preparing meals. All of these things need to be dealt with. Of course, we have our resources (such as a housekeeper or gardener), but what about the things we need to deal with ourselves? If we are organized, we will know where we keep our keys, our watch, when we shop for food, do the laundry or deal with our mail.

Make a list of your priorities first, and put it aside. Next, take a week and write down everything you do as it comes up. Then log in the time it takes you to do it. Be sure to pay attention to the things that eat up your time, such as television or telephone. I found it really challenging not to answer my cell phone whenever I’m working, even if I am working by myself on a project. When I take a break and check messages, I write down the calls I need to return, and unless it’s crucial to call immediately, I set it aside for when I am in my car (with a hands-free device) or when I am able to schedule phone time.

At the end of the week, check your log and see where you have wasted time. Create a plan to minimize time-wasters. You might find that you have a lot of them. That is actually good news because it means that you can gain a lot of time in your life to spend on other pursuits.

Next, it is time to plan your weekly schedule. Remember, there are only 168 hours in one week. However, if we are efficient about our use of this time, we will be amazed at how much we can accomplish. Once the general weekly schedule is done, plan a daily one. I like to plan on the previous day so that I know when I go to bed what the next day holds for me. It helps me to focus. Another thing I find helpful is to leave some extra time in the day for the unforeseen things that inevitably come up as the day progresses. Now, all of this might seem boring and uncreative. However, structuring anything as challenging as our lives is very creative, partly because we are making room for more creative time but also because we are not spending a lot of time figuring it out as we go along. This tends to minimize worry.

Pay attention to who you are. Are you someone who gets more done in the morning or in the evening? When is your energy the greatest? I know that, for the most part, I need to do my exercise in the morning because there is less chance of my getting too tired and skipping it. Whenever it is that you exercise, there are two important things to remember. Exercise is great for managing stress, and stress can interfere with our productivity. Exercise helps us sleep better at night so we drag less during the day. Also, exercise improves energy levels over time.

Most of us run more efficiently when we keep our blood sugar steady. Generally, several small meals help to keep the blood sugar steady throughout the day. You might want to plan your meals to give you maximum efficiency. Certain foods are energy food, such as lean protein and veggies, yogurt, whole grains. Junk food is heavy and tiring. Drinking plenty of water is not only healthy but also efficient. Dehydration causes fatigue. You may not think you are dehydrated, but apparently it happens.

Setting boundaries and being able to say no are two very useful skills. When someone asks us to take on a new commitment, it is helpful to think about it in a couple of ways. First, will this commitment honor our values, and will it fit in with our vision of how we want our lives to be? Having done that, we are ready to realistically assess the time it will take and whether or not we need to find something in our schedule we no longer need or want that it can replace. If it does not seem a good idea, we need to calmly, firmly and politely say no.

Email can be a huge time-waster. Lately, I have found that I need not participate in every joke and story that goes around the Internet. It takes too much of my time. Additionally, I have begun to unsubscribe from various Websites. I find it hard not to try to read most of what is sent to me, but the truth is, there is no way this is possible. Also, I can preview my emails and delete the ones for which I don’t have time without having to read them. Scheduling time to read emails is valuable as well.

Beliefs and attitudes play a large part in the success of anything. I have found that if I want to accomplish something, one of the greatest tools I have is the belief that I can do it. This works in a couple of ways. If I put my intension out to the universe that I can balance my life and have the time to do many things, it somehow works that the universe provides me help. This is an age-old thought, and I really believe it because I have seen it succeed many times. Another part of this is to visualize myself actually succeeding at the task and having fun doing it. I use affirmations to help me along the way. Affirmations are “I” statements in the present tense that I repeat several times a day to help myself with a new way of thinking, believing and behaving. The best thing about affirmations is that we need not necessarily believe the statement in order for it to work for us. These positive statements work best if we repeat them regularly. Eventually, they change our very thinking, as well as our self-confidence.

As our lives unfold, we want to be able to move from one thing to another with focus and with flow. That really is a tall order, but then managing our lives is really important and deserves our attention and our hard work.

Creating a life in balance is a process. It begins with knowledge of our most important values, a statement of purpose, a vision of how we want our lives to be and a desire to do the work to achieve our goals. All this teaches us wisdom. My experience is that it is good for the soul.

Life today is abundant. Think of all the ways there are to communicate: computers, cell phones, home phones, work phones, iPads and snail mail. We can work at home or in the office. It really is an amazing time. However, it is also a difficult time. Nothing is simple anymore. There are many decisions to be made and there is pressure everywhere. Even the life of a child is no longer simple. Therefore, it becomes imperative that we be able to keep focus, to understand our priorities, to be able to make choices that move us in the direction we want to go and to be as organized as is possible at any given moment. It is also equally important that we recognize what we can and what we cannot affect in our lives in order to use our valuable energy in the best of all possible ways.

The balance we seek is a tall order because it includes all things physical, mental and spiritual in our lives. These things all matter, but they cannot all matter equally at the same time. It helps to understand the vision we hold for ourselves for the next chapter of our lives. It makes our priorities easier to understand. Again, it comes back to choice.

In order to understand how to plan our lives in balance, we need to step back. We need to be calm so that we can look at our priorities and measure what needs to be done. How we balance our lives is a personal choice. Obviously we cannot do everything all the time. Therefore, it takes perspective to understand what our priorities are and how much time we want to spend in each of our important areas. Sometimes, it takes real commitment to do what we think is best, rather than just what we want to do.

Not every choice is a monumental one. In fact, life is made up of millions of small choices, ones that we make everyday without thinking of or being aware of the process. However, these small choices can affect larger choices or keep us stuck in old habits that need to be changed. In striving for balance in our lives, it can be helpful to actually observe ourselves, how we make the choices we make, and how they impact our lives.

Another note about small choices is that they are vital to our progress. Small choices are about small steps. If we look at the task of creating balance, it seems huge. In fact, it is too big to be taken in without a sense of overwhelm. Getting from here to there is about one small step at a time. Success is really possible this way.

Finding balance in life is a juxtaposition of perseverance and acceptance. Otherwise, we go through life frustrated and spend valuable time trying something that is not working. However, if we accept that we can do nothing about it, then we can turn our attention to something else.

Another form of this letting-go process is to consider the unexpected. If we are so structured that we are unable to recognize an opportunity that shows up unexpectedly, it is possible to miss that opportunity. We might need to understand and accept that the unexpected could trump our initial plans. We can do this by letting go and adjusting those plans when it seems best, embracing both discipline and creativity.

It often seems as though most of us live imbalanced lives while searching for some kind of equilibrium. Life balance is elusive; balance is not a natural state. Change is constant, so it makes sense that we need to continue to shift in order to achieve balance daily – or as often as we can. No matter what we do, we will constantly flow in and out of balance. It is much like riding a bicycle. Once we have started to ride and we are in balance, there might be a rut in the road or traffic, and we need to adjust, to realign to stay in balance.

Most people, when asked about life balance, talk about work as one part of their lives and everything else as another. However, when attempting to achieve a life in balance, it is crucial that we consider our work as an integral part of life, not a separate category.

Life balance is about personal fulfillment, about the sense of living a healthy and meaningful life. One important part of feeling fulfilled when we make a choice to balance our lives is to really focus on whatever it is that we have chosen to do. Spending time thinking about what we might be doing will make us feel not only unfulfilled but off balance. So perception is really important here. If we focus on what we are doing to achieve balance, give ourselves to it, we feel as though we have succeeded. And indeed we have.

One example might be this: you decide you need to spend more time with your kids, so you take them to the movies. If you focus on them, watch the movie with them, decide to enjoy this time away from work, you can feel fulfilled, maybe even joyous. However, if you spend the time worrying about the project you haven’t finished or checking your cell phone, you might feel frustrated, grouchy and out of balance. And you will definitely not feel fulfilled in any area.

Many people work at home these days. Now there’s a challenge when it comes to balance. Sometimes it is necessary to set a boundary for yourself in order to achieve the task at hand and move on to the next phase of your balanced life. Boundary-setting is an important tool when it comes to achieving balance. I have found that, while writing at home, I tend to clean house, answer the phone and take unplanned breaks. The result is that my work takes longer and is less focused. I now have boundaries for me. When working at home, I do not do anything else. It takes a lot of concentration, but I set up a schedule for breaks, lunch and returning phone calls.

If your goal is to be the absolute best at something, then your chances of having a life in balance are probably slim. It takes a certain single-mindedness and devotion to practicing whatever it is that you want to be the very best at, in order to achieve that goal. However, if you really do want to balance your life more than it is, it takes dedication to that ideal. If you “want it all,” you may have to adjust what that means to you, to simplify some of your desires in order to achieve others. This is the process of choice, of prioritizing again. It is important to understand what you really want before you can hope to achieve a life in balance.

Once we have understood our purpose and the vision we hold for ourselves, as well as our goals in our lives, we need to understand where we are out of balance. Obviously, we cannot fix the problem if we are uncertain what it is. Some people find that when they understand the problem and begin to go about fixing it, they realize that they are not entirely ready to make the necessary changes. It takes real commitment to change habits that have been with us for some time. However, we can begin slowly and see where this takes us and how it feels to us.

You might relate to being out of balance in several ways. Maybe you work so much that you do not spend the kind of time you would like with your family or your friends. Maybe you have been so busy that you haven’t paid much attention to your exercise program and diet. Maybe you used to get a great deal of joy out of a hobby (say photography), and now it has been years since you have taken photos. Maybe you are feeling guilty because you feel like you hardly ever see your children as a result of your long hours at work. Maybe you have not taken a vacation in years. Whatever your situation is, you could make the choice to seek balance in your life.
It may seem like an impossible task, but it is not. It is, however, difficult and takes hard work, knowledge of your priorities, organization, planning and, not least of all, flexibility.

Because there is such an abundance of responsibilities and choices, it is indeed difficult to achieve balance in our world today. I do believe, however, that as long as we are still breathing, there is the time and possibility of change. The choice as adults is up to each of us as to how we choose to live our lives. I have mentioned more than once that this process is difficult. One of the reasons for this is that we are habitual creatures and may need to change some of our habits. Anyone who has ever changed a habit would probably agree that it is not easy.

One habit many of us are familiar with is drinking. And one of the ways we were able to change this habit was by developing a support system. Why not involve some of your support system into this endeavor as well? Let your close friends know what you are attempting to do and ask if they would be willing to support you in this.

If you take a look at how much time you spend at each of the things that matter to you, you might find that a large part of your time, energy and effort is spent on something that is not at the top of your list of priorities. One of the difficult tasks ahead is to spend more time on what matters most, to borrow or simply take time away from something less important that eats up your time and energy. Take, for example, surfing the Web. How many times a day do we go to the Web to look something up and end up following it beyond where we were going? Before we know it, we’ve been there much longer than planned. That time could have been used for something on our list of priorities. Or this: One of my clients stated that she would go to a cupboard for something, notice that the cupboard needs organizing and spend time doing it right then. Maybe it would even make her late for something else.

If we really examine our lives, we might find that there are things we do which are not even on our list of priorities. Does that make you wonder whether or not they are worth doing at all? Perhaps you may decide to continue to do some of these things but to spend less of your precious time on them. These kinds of decisions heavily impact the direction of our lives.

Life balance is, in fact, a feeling that human beings experience when they sense that they are paying attention to all aspects of their lives — work, physical and emotional health, spirituality and relationships. These moments are worth celebrating, worth experiencing.

“Because life is dynamic, the real issue is not ‘balance,’ it’s balancing.
It’s creating the capacity to balance — day in, day out — in the unique and
ever-changing circumstances of our lives.”
— Roger & Rebecca Merrill

“The greatest power in our lives is our capacity to imagine,
vision or dream, not only when we are young but over and
over again throughout the life cycle. It is an essential
lifestyle ingredient for the self-renewing adult.”

—Frederic M. Hudson, Ph.D.

A Vision is a picture of how we want our lives to look in the future. It involves not just the visual sense but also our sense of hearing, taste, smell and our feelings. Visioning is a tool for inspiration. If we can feel the sense of delight we seek in the life we are imagining, we can be energized into continuing the work to its fruition. The future is a space waiting to be formed into the life we seek.

A vision and a dream are different. In a dream you can be anything, do anything and have anything. It is a fantasy. Whether or not it is attainable is unimportant. Dreams are part of our creative process. They can light us up; feed our passions; make us feel good; and provide escape if we want it.

Visions are closer to reality in that they are possible. They are imaginings. Imagine yourself in five years. Where would you like to see yourself? How will it look to you? If you really work at it, really stretch and get out of your comfort zone, how will it be for you? You get to create it, imagining all the details of your life at that time. A vision can be a really important part of planning your future work, because it can serve as a guiding light. It can be a beacon toward which we can build a road by setting goals, and paving the road with the steps to get us there.

When creating a vision, it is vital to paint a picture in our minds of the feeling we have in our hearts, our dreams about how we want our lives to go. It is more of a yearning than a specific thought; more of a spiritual need that begins our visioning process. A vision ought to be beyond our lives right now but possible to attain. Visions need to encompass our values and our purpose, thereby becoming an important motivator that can propel us forward. In some way, our vision must make complete sense to us. Almost a sense of, “Of course, this is what I need to do with my life going forward.”

Our vision, then, begins with a dream. Based on this dream, we imagine what could be attainable but is yet beyond our current circumstances. That’s our vision. From the vision can we develop a plan, which takes shape with actions, and finally becomes an achievement. We need not be afraid to dream. Our dreams can point us in some very powerful directions.

Most children have dreams. Sometimes these dreams turn into realities but all too often, we get so busy with school and life’s business that we forget about our dreams. Sometimes we think dreaming is for kids or for losers. Quite the contrary, our dreams are so valuable, because they can be the stuff of successful future endeavors.

Many people end up living a life that is a result of happenstance rather than planning. I have had people tell me they are afraid that they will have to give up their spontaneity if they become involved in this kind of creative visioning and planning. What I have found is more or less the opposite. My anxiety level before I began to plan for my future was high because I had no real idea of what I wanted for my life. Now that I do know, I feel calmer because I live in action rather than fear and uncertainty. I feel motivated much of the time. And it is easier for me to make decisions. I feel more fulfilled, because this is really what I want. I have created my own vision. It is not predicated on anyone else’s expectations of me. Oddly enough, as I tell people about my vision, I get more support for it than I have known before.

“Vision is our creative power. Vision is our ability as human beings
to want, sense, imagine and bring into being new forms, structures
and possibilities in partnership with life. Vision enables us to
cooperate with life’s higher purpose, reaching far beyond our own
limits toward our highest and most passionate aspirations.”
—Linda Marks

When we think of vision, it is easy to think of the great leaders, of how their vision helped them make a contribution to the world. In fact, everyone has vision. We simply need to learn to use it. The exciting thing about vision is that it fuels our passion and helps us to move beyond where we may be stuck at this moment. Remember it is a part of our creative selves. One need not be a painter or musician to have a creative self. Vision only demands of us that we allow it to evolve within us and that we have the faith to pay attention to it. Remember, it starts in the heart, not in the head.

We can have a vision for ourselves, other people, our community, the world. It reflects what is most meaningful to us. If we hold a vision, it really can be possible to make our most important contributions to the world.

The tool of vision can mark the beginning of forming our next phase of conscious evolution. In our vision we can develop the focus for our lives and can therefore, in a very practical way, set out from there to develop our plan. When our lives are in transition, we need a vision to help us to determine whether or not our lives are on track.

A vision ought to contain all of the future life we are building, not just one job or one project, although we can use this tool to create one project within our larger vision. A vision is holistic because it reaches into all parts of our lives.

It is within our grasp to be happy with what we are doing. We need not feel unfulfilled. In order to get to a life that is fulfilling, we need to have a clear vision of where we are headed.

I have a friend who was a sales director for a large company. She was extremely successful in that job but felt seriously unfulfilled. She felt that way for years. Gradually, she formed a vision for herself where she was able to give service in the world. The vision she created slowly evolved to the point where she saw herself as a psychotherapist and could help others. At this time, she is almost finished with her degree and is working as an intern. She has found her calling. She feels fulfilled, excited by the work she does now.

As recovering people, we practice living life one day at a time. I know that I need to stay committed to that. However, I have found that the process of visioning in order to create a plan for my future has not affected my ability to live in the present. In fact, it has helped me to create action steps in the present that I can work on one day at a time. I live in the present while, at the same time, plan for the future. I feel as though I am living a life on purpose.

“The difference between chance and choice lies largely in your
level of commitment to creating the future.”
—Dave Ellis

The first step in creating your vision is to pay close attention to the ideas that resonate within you. You can begin your process with the end in mind. The starting place is the here and now. The goal, if you will, is the end – where you want to finish.

Remember that the more specific you are in your vision, the better. For example, if you visualize yourself with your own business, it is vital that you begin to think about what kind of business you’d like it to be, how large it should be, where it would be located and so on.

Writing is a great tool in becoming more specific and focused. You might be pleasantly surprised by this process. It tends to reveal our deeper desires and thoughts that we might not have otherwise realized. When I work with people on their visions, I suggest certain exercises to help them enter their vision. Creating your vision, one which will be helpful in your process, can take hours, days or even weeks. However, this kind of quiet, reflection time is invaluable. As you proceed, you will experience several benefits from this process.

Among the benefits are:

• Identifying your direction and purpose
• Emerging from limited thinking
• Better time management
• Help in examining where you are now and where you want to go

When there is a discrepancy in our lives between how things are and how we want them to be, we have the choice to remain dissatisfied or begin the work of change. Purposeful change is rewarding. But first we have to hold a vision of what we want our lives to be. When our vision begins to take form, we need only flow with it. Then our dream can become a possibility, and we can set goals which lead us to our vision. To reach those goals we create action steps toward them. Once we are on this path, all sorts of possibilities can begin to evolve. Eventually we get to the stage of walking toward our vision. At that point, we are living a life by design rather than by default.

Bibliography

Ellis, Dave, Creating Your Future:  Five steps to the life of your dreams.
Boston, New York:  Houghton Mifflin Company, 1998.

Hudson, Frederic M., PhD, The Handbook of Coaching: A comprehensive resource guide for managers, executives, consultants, and human resource professionals.  New York:  John Wiley & Sons, 1999.

Leider, Richard J., The Power of Purpose:  Creating meaning in your life and work. San Francisco:  Berrett-Koehler Publisher, Inc., 1997, 2004.

Marks, Linda, Living With Vision:  Reclaiming the power of the heart.
Indianapolis:  Knowledge Systems, Inc., 1989.

Whitworth, Laura; Kimsey-House, Henry; Sandahl, Phil; Co-Active Coaching. Palo Alto:  Davies-Black Publishing, 1998.

“We live in a purposeful universe.  Every organism in the universe has a design—a purpose that determines its function and role.  A critical part of our development is the inside-out search for purpose and meaning.”

–Richard J. Leider

Purpose is a need within us, the fulfillment of which gives us a feeling of belonging to the world and a relationship to others.  It can also lead to renewed excitement about our work which is profoundly satisfying.

Purpose begins with the realization of the spiritual life within and around us.    Purpose can give depth and weight to our lives by motivating us to respond to that inner need and desire.  It can be expressed through a choice of work which is consistent with that purpose and those spiritual desires.  In fact, once we really get in touch with our purpose, it informs our entire life along with community, family, relationships and self-care.

Have you ever had the thought:  “Is there more to life than this?”   If you have, you’re already in a place where finding your sense of purpose can help you answer that and other important questions.

One of the ways people begin to think about purpose is through crisis.  Everyone experiences crisis from time to time.  The role of crisis –- moderate or severe –- can play a significant part in defining our purpose.   It is often a tendency to be reflective during or after a crisis.  Sometimes it acts as a catalyst enabling us to let go of our daily concerns and take in the big picture of what’s next.  But who wants to wait for a crisis?  Doesn’t sound very enticing, does it?

It is not necessary to wait until life confronts you with a crisis to seek your sense of purpose.  A sense of purpose is there within you, an inside job, if you will, whenever you choose to find it.

With the holidays upon us, I am reflecting on how difficult it used to be for me to accomplish my New Year’s resolutions.  Perhaps you’ve had the same experience.  That could be because there is no context within which these resolutions have been made.  They are goals without a bigger picture. The difference between setting goals out of the context of a sense of purpose and within that sense of purpose is significant.  Often it simply is that the goals seem more superficial with no direction.  Also, with a sense of context, we are more deeply motivated.

I used to struggle with making a list of goals for my life.  Nothing seemed fundamentally important to me.  There was no flow, no connection from those goals to my life. That was because I had no defined purpose from which to work.  Purpose is broader and deeper, more than pursuing a goal.  It is the framework for our goals.  Once I found my sense of purpose for that time in my life, the goals were easy from that point.  I began to feel so much more passionate about my life and my work, and I firmly believe that this passion is an outgrowth of having found my sense of purpose.  I also believe that finding my sense of purpose for the next chapter of my life has made life easier and more exciting for me.

It is possible, sometimes necessary, to re-invent ourselves several times during our lives in response to a changing environment.  This is by no means a small order; however, if we begin by putting our purpose down on paper, we can more easily identify it.  Then we can begin the exciting journey of living our purpose.

When approaching the notion of designing our purpose, it works best if we create the purpose first and then allow our life to flow from it rather than to design our purpose around our life.

“In fact, many of us never even speak about what our purpose could be and instead work only on coping with day-to-day situations.”

–James Flaherty

Anxiety levels soar when our focus becomes too narrow.  We tend not to nurture our souls but rather find ourselves in a struggle to “get by.”

It does seem as if we are so busy –- always returning voice mails, emails, texts while working, raising children, and fitting exercise into our lives.  And, of course, we need time for fun.  When we approach our busy lives without purpose, we can easily become exhausted and overwhelmed.    Sometimes being busy can be an escape from the important questions or thoughts within us, universal questions.  With or without purpose, it is important to take time out on a regular basis.  We need space for creative pause in our lives.  This pause can be a walk in nature, meditation, in some way taking time for reflection so that we connect to our deeper selves and find the answers that are within us.

“Purpose is the most important quality for every life to possess, experientially, consciously, and with words.  It tells us what we want most to be about.”

–Frederic M. Hudson, Ph.D.

I was once speaking with a friend of mine who is an M.D. and treats older adults.  He said that many of them had regrets about their lives.  These regrets were mainly about not having left an imprint on their world, family, or community.  They were filled with thoughts about deep issues, and most of them seemed to wish they had thought of this sooner.  When I think about that, I connect within myself to a need to do my part to help my family, my friends, and my world.  So purpose for me is also about service, about sharing.

Our purpose evolves and changes for us as we evolve and change.  It may begin with a desire to achieve greater success in business but can grow to encompass community and spirituality as well as work and play.   I remember that when I first got sober, my purpose was to find a Higher Power and learn how to live without drinking.  That was a huge purpose for me.  In fact, at the time I had not even thought much about purpose.  Over the years my purpose has evolved again and again.  At this point it has broadened to include service to family and friends as well as community.  It also includes my work.  In fact my purpose now covers all aspects of my life as well as my process.  It seems that the more we do this kind of intuitive searching within ourselves, the deeper our results become, filling us with a greater sense of achievement and motivation.

Our purpose is our vision of our lives in the future.  It can be our near future or our more distant future.  I like to start with the distant future and then work backwards, designing goals which will gradually get me closer and closer to what I want to do, where I want to be, and what I want to leave behind me.

One of the best ways to find our sense of purpose is to look first at clarifying our values.  Our values are not tangible, they are the concepts that best represent who we are, what is most important to us.  Like purpose, values shift and change throughout our lives.

When we live according to our values, we tend to have a feeling of fulfillment.  In contrast when our lives challenge our values, we tend to feel discontent and tension pervades our path.  Understanding what are our most important values is helpful in designing a map for finding our sense of purpose and achieving our goals.  When clarifying our values, it is essential that we remember not to judge them.  If we do, we could fall into the trap of choosing values which we think we should have, rather than being true to ourselves.  Most of us can look back at various choices we made earlier in their lives which might not have been true to our values.  These choices probably did not turn out well.

In addition to exploring our values, it is useful to take a look at our strengths, our gifts.  Each of us has gifts.  One way to find them is to make a list of everything you’ve ever done well.  What qualities in you led to success in these areas?  These qualities are your gifts.  Some people feel stuck in their lives.  That could be because they are not focusing on their gifts, on the things they do really well.  And let’s face it, it feels great to be doing something successfully.

Purpose is not only the discovery of what moves us in theory, but also applying what we’ve learned in practice.  It is not enough to know what moves us.  We need to set forth and practice our purpose, follow our passion.  When we live a life of passion, we are truly alive; we are energized.  We are living an answer to some of life’s more powerful questions, such as:  Who am I?  What’s it all about?  Why am I here?  Everyone seems to have these questions deep within.  In this work, however, there will be distractions.  Part of what we need to do is to prioritize and manage those distractions, both internal and external.

Our purpose has to do with our contribution to life, not just ours but the lives of others as well.  No other person can discover for us what lies within, what our truth is.   Purpose has been referred to as our “calling.”  Discovering our purpose takes time and thought.   It is the beginning of a powerful and fulfilling journey.   It lends a fullness to our lives, helping us to know where our path is.  It begins deep within us and, once stated, can be the basis of our design for living our lives.  Our purpose is our vision for our future lives.  Our vision helps us become motivated to change and grow throughout our lives.

For the purpose of CE/CEU’s, article objectives are:

• The participant will learn what purpose is and why it is important.
• The participant will learn about the role of crisis in thinking about purpose.
• The participant will learn how to discover purpose.