The Light at the End of the Darkness
Written By: Ryan D. Date: December 10th, 2009. Topic: Recovery Stories.Since my first day of elementary school, I knew I was different from the other kids. I never found my niche, clique or knew who I was. I was an “outcast” and definitely played into that role. That all changed when I found what I perceived to be the answer to all of my problems, cocaine. It started out as a social outlet in high school and would use it at parties and made “friends” through purchasing, and at times, selling the drug. Coming from an affluent family, I always had enough to purchase the quantities my friends and I desired. Things were seemingly great; I had a steady girlfriend, got into a great college, and was on the rugby team. Yet regardless of all this I still wasn’t happy. There was a hole in my heart that I filled with anything from food, sex, drugs, or alcohol.
This resulted in dropping out of college, losing my girlfriend, losing the respect of my non-using friends, and furthered my unhappiness. Due to this, I did what addicts do best. I used the aforementioned events to justify further use. But this time I was alone, no friends, no parties, no girls around just myself and my drug of choice. I was using copious amounts daily and thus needed a lot of money; so I began stealing in a variety of despicable ways, forging checks, stealing out of purses, wallets, making fraudulent A.T.M. withdrawals etc. This pinnacled when I had a drug overdose in which I was literally inches away from death (but you better believe I had a stash waiting for me when I left the hospital). In essence I had lost touch of all morality and lived to use and used to live.
Through Benchmark and The Matrix Recovery Program, I have learned more about myself and the nature of my disease than I have in the 6 or so “30 day band-aids” I have attended in the past. Today although I still have struggles, I face them. I no longer need something external to make me feel internally sound. I have realized that relapse occurs way before I take that first drug or drink. I have been proactive on my biggest fear: change. Although my bottom may not be as low as others my life was completely unmanageable and my behaviors insane. Today I can look people in the eye and more importantly be able to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I owe a lot to Benchmark and the Matrix institute for the light they have shown me at the end of the darkness.
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January 7th, 2010 at 11:15 am
Hi everyone, This webpage is good quality and so is how the topic was explained. I like some of the comments also even if I would suggest we remain on the topic so that to add value to the point. It will be also encouraging to the author if we all could share it (for some of you who have social accounts such as a delicious, twitter,..). Again, Thanks..