How Do I Move a “Feet” Client Into His/Her “Head and Heart”?

Written By: Two Addiction Ladies, Candy Finnigan and Jeanie Griffin Date: June 4th, 2009. Topic: Intervention.

In our first article of Head, Heart and Feet, we encouraged the addiction counselor to notice whether the client moved through the world as a thinker, feeler, or reactor and we promised to offer the counselor exercises that assist clients who are stuck in their head or heart or feet. People “stuck in their head” think their feelings. People “stuck in their hearts” feel their thoughts and often engage in catastrophic thinking. People who are “stuck in their feet” often react impulsively before they get in touch with what they may think or feel. The challenge for the counselor is how to facilitate an effective group when clients process experiences with such diversity. In our second article of Head, Heart and Feet, we gave examples of and techniques for moving a “HEAD” person, one who thinks their feelings, toward their heart, so that they feel feelings instead of intellectualizing them to avoid feeling. In our third article we assisted the counselor in moving the “HEART” person toward their HEAD, so they do not live from crisis and drama. When the head and heart are able to share and process input without the exclusion of one another, the client can then live from that balanced place where rational thinking and appropriate feeling meet.

In this last article of Head, Heart and Feet, let’s take a look at how the counselor assists a client who is “stuck in his/her feet”. These clients are people who react by running, staying busy, leaving jobs, homes, partners, therapists, therapy, and treatment ad infinitum when faced with a feeling or an overwhelming event.

The first suggestion we offer is: STAND STILL. DON’T MOVE. Begin there. In other words, you can run, but you cannot hide. These people always skip the heart because feelings terrify them.

The few feelings “feet people” find useful are anger and “busyness”. In finding fault with you and other people, places and things, I can then blame you and leave in a huff. If I am trying to be all things to all people I keep myself busy by focusing on you. In both scenarios, I am avoiding my own feelings.

Recognizing the “feet” client

The angry client and the people-pleasing client can easily be misread by the treatment staff or the therapist. The counselor may spend most of the time defusing outbursts from the angry or settling disputes with peers or other staff or family members. This “putting out fires” defocuses the real issues with this client. Before long, treatment has ended and major issues have barely been identified. This “feet client” is a master of crisis, a master of defocusing, and a master of running. They leave 5 minutes before the miracle. Many counselors will think “feet clients” have “anger issues” when they really have feeling issues of fear, and hurt. They “vote with their feet” as if to say, “I will reject you before you reject me.”

The “busy and helpful” client may not look like a “stuck in the feet” client because they are so helpful, compliant and the “teacher’s pet”. These people make an A+ in treatment. They leave as empty as they came in. These people are the original codependents, before there was such a name. They learned early to hide their true self and show only what they wanted people to see of them. There is always a hidden agenda. Sometimes it is to keep you at arms length or it is so they can be all things to all people. Both view keep them focused on others instead of themselves.

The “feet client” is one of the more difficult clients. Because their chameleon-like ways make them so adaptable, the counselor must look past the constantly changing smoke screens for deeper problems.

So now what do we do?

Cognitive restructuring, emotion identification and behavior strategies are all needed with this client. Boundary setting is vital. The angry client must not be allowed to pull staff, family or other clients into their crisis. Bullying with anger should be identified by staff and peers upon each occurrence and then the client should be asked to interact in a new manner. Contrary action may be a good solution for this client.

The helpful and seemingly perfect client needs to learn to ask for help. An exercise for this client might be to not allow them to be helpful to others in any way for a 24 hour period, to write down all thoughts that are brought up by this activity and then discuss in group or with a counselor how this activity made them feel.

Once feelings are identified in a given setting, the counselor can ask a very important question, “When have you felt this feeling before? Or “how old were you when you first felt like this?” The client will usually answer automatically. Then ask them to describe the age or the scene when they felt like this first. This feeling is usually the one they are running from by becoming angry or busy. This technique will draw the feet client into their heart. Remind them that if they survived the event (which obviously they did because they are sitting before you) they can survive the memory and accompanying feeling.

Once the action (feet) and the feeling (heart) are identified, begin to look at the thoughts they are telling themselves. All action is born in thought but these “feet people” usually do not believe so. They claim they act first, feel second and think last, when in reality they have a thought, feel it and then act or react. For example, one client said he was so angered by a friend who stole from him, his first reaction was to engage in a fist fight. When we broke down the situation, he realized he first took action (feet) because he was resentful (heart). Such action was fueled by the resentful feeling which was fueled by his belief system (head) that he could trust no one. Old ideas must be explored if “feet people” are to learn to process feelings and change behavior.

Excitement, joy, anger, frustration, and disappointment are all part of growing up. Learning how and when to show these emotions is known as impulse control. Therefore the counselor must be able to role model appropriate impulse control.

Recovery can be full spectrum living. When feelings, thoughts, and actions are in sync the spirit is at rest. Peacefulness from inside out is possible no matter what circumstances are occurring. A truly peaceful person does not struggle within self. Balance becomes a way of living so your true self can shine through.

We hope you have found some useful tools in our Head, Heart and Feet articles so you may assist clients with an integrated recovery of body, mind and spirit.

See you next time.

Peace and Blessings to you all.

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