How Do I Move a “Heart” Client Into His/Her “Head”?

In our first article of Head, Heart and Feet, we encouraged the addiction counselor to notice whether the client moved through the world as a thinker, feeler, or reactor and we promised to offer the counselor exercises that assist clients who are stuck in their head or heart or feet.  People “stuck in their head” think their feelings.  People “stuck in their hearts” feel their thoughts and often engage in catastrophic thinking.  People who are “stuck in their feet” often react impulsively before they get in touch with what they may think or feel.  The challenge for the counselor is how to facilitate an effective group when clients process experiences with such diversity. In our second article of Head, Heart and Feet, we gave examples of and techniques for moving a “HEAD” person, one who thinks their feelings, toward their heart, so that they feel feelings instead of intellectualizing them to avoid feeling.

In this third article we will assist the counselor in moving the “HEART” person toward their HEAD, so they do not live in crisis and drama. When the head and heart are able to share and process input without the exclusion of one another, the client can then live from that balanced place where rational thinking and appropriate feeling meet.

So, how does a counselor assist a drama prone client to move out of the drama and in to a more rational pose?  Depression and pain can become so great the client either becomes frozen and unable to take action, or becomes so volatile they become impulsive and histrionic.

The first suggestion we offer is:   Pray!  No, really.  Begin there.  A good counselor always invites Spirit into the session and asks for inspiration to help the client sitting before them.  As a counselor, you have training in ways to help your clients, but Spirit knows the journey your client is on and you are only one of many who cross the client’s path during the process of recovery.  You are not the ONE responsible for their recovery.  We list this suggestion first because all counselors are vulnerable to countertransference.  The dramatic client, the one “stuck in feelings” can come across as the super victim, the helpless one, the injured party, the fragile one and on and on.  This type client might trigger the counselor’s need to help in some super power, super human, knight in shining armor or guardian angel kind of way.  Do this and you will foster the client’s dependency upon you.  Boundaries can become blurred very easily in this situation and the outcome can be unhealthy for client and counselor.

The dramatic client can trigger another kind of countertransference in the counselor. Here the counselor may dislike or disrespect people who “cannot control their emotions” so when the client disintegrates into an emotional state, the counselor reacts in a stern, cold manner.  The more withholding the counselor becomes, the needier the client becomes, thereby setting an even more vicious cycle in motion.  So, counselor, get your own ego and issues out of the way. Counselors can benefit from going to therapy themselves!

Secondly, highly emotional people may find themselves acting impulsively, yet claiming they were driven by feelings.  Before the action or the feeling there is a thought that drives both.  Clients may not have a clue what the thought was but discovering the toxic thought that preceded the feeling or behavior is key to understanding how they move through the world. Here is an exercise that might be helpful for your clients.

CHANGING OLD IDEAS or CORE BELIEFS ©

© Jeanie Griffin of FRESH OUTTA PLANS  www.freshouttaplans.com

The facts get in the way of the Truth.

The facts are “the story”.  Those facts that support the story are things we draw into our life to prove something. For example: If my core belief is, “Men cannot be trusted”, then I will send that mental state out into the Universe and draw men to me that prove my belief.  I will then say to you, “See, I told you men cannot be trusted!”  If my core belief is, “Women just want money from a man”, then I will draw to me women who are materialistic minded.  If I want my life to change, I must change my thinking.  If you want to know what beliefs drive your thinking, look at what is happening in your life.  If you want something to change, you must find old core beliefs, then ask Spirit to remove them and give you a demonstration of the opposite.  “Some of us tried to hold on to old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely”³

1. Write a BRIEF description of what happened.
2. Then list all beliefs OF YOURS (not theirs) that arise out of that circumstance.  Don’t worry if they are irrational, just write.  Keep listing until you feel inside you have the core belief.  Call someone to help with this process if you want or need to do so.
3. Once a core belief is exposed ask God to transform this belief.  Say, “  Just for this instant I am willing to set aside judgment about___________________, so I _________________.  One instant at a time claim understanding.

As you go through your life and something crops up, ask which core belief has been triggered and repeat the above process on the spot.

Ex:
Circumstance:
I lost my job.  I am very angry at my boss.  I can blame him for my troubles and take the victim stance or if I have the courage to change the things I can, I will take a look at my thinking and ask myself, “In what way could my thoughts have contributed to this outcome?”

Old Beliefs operating in this case might be:
Nothing good ever lasts.
Life has to be a struggle.
I will always be poor.
I should never have left________(person or place or thing)

Core Belief:  (A summary of the beliefs listed above)
God will take care of others financially but not me.

Once core belief is identified, pray something like this:

Just for this instant I can forgive myself my current belief system.  It is an illusion that God will not provide for me financially. Just for this instant I am willing to set aside judgment that Spirit will not provide for me, so I can experience God’s abundant provision in whatever form that takes.  I let go of the outcome and give my God full control.

There are very good cognitive (thinking) therapies that help people move through overwhelming feelings.  Cognitive-behavioral therapy does not exist as a distinct therapeutic technique. The term “cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)” is a very general term for a classification of therapies with similarities.  There are several approaches to cognitive-behavioral therapy, including Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, Rational Behavior Therapy, Rational Living Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, and Dialectic Behavior Therapy. Another very useful therapy is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) developed by Francine Shapiro, PhD.   If you are not familiar with therapies or you need more practice using them, find a book, a course, a conference or mentor, to teach you how to incorporate them into your skill set.

More unknown, but also effective, are alternative therapies to assist in emotional healing and integration. Through less talking and more experiential methods, these include physical therapies such as acupuncture, and acupressure.  Energy work such as Reiki, Theta Healing™, Chakra Balancing, Massage Therapy and Cranio Sacral work are also useful in moving emotional blocks and helping to balance the mind, body and spirit.  Practitioners offering this work must be certified, so counselors can send clients to them as a supplement to traditional care. These methods are not a substitute for medical or psychiatric care.

Lastly, a Shamanic Practitioner is another alternative spiritual and emotional healer.  Shamanic Practitioners view illness from a spiritual perspective although it may manifest as a physical or emotional illness. Shamanic Practitioners go into an alter state of consciousness to consult with the spirits. Because they see illness as a loss of power or loss of part of the soul they facilitate power animal retrieval or soul retrievals as healing practices.  Learn more about shamanism online and in bookstores.

To update our readers, please note the change in our hats!  Candy now wears a tiara for her national intervention work based in Beverly Hills and LA. Jeanie, in her new cowgirl hat, has opened a new private practice in the Dallas/Ft.Worth area where she is a traditional counselor and shamanic practitioner at www.ASpaceForHealing.com.

In our next article, we will help you move those impulsive “feet” people into integrated thinking, feeling and acting so they live in balance of mind, body and spirit.

Peace and Blessings to you all.

_{All Rights Reserved. March 2009. Written by Jeanie Griffin, MFT, LPC, CADC, BRI II. Jeanie Griffin and Candy Finnigan are two addiction ladies whose work is grounded in simplicity, driven by spirituality, fueled by a sense of humor and dedicated to healing the lives of individuals, families, communities and the planet. Find more about them at www.TwoAddictionLadies.com and www.FreshOuttaPlans.com.  Send your questions, comments or ideas to info@twoaddictionladies.com.}

_{Jeanie Griffin 817-965-2206    Candy Finnigan 818-424-8044}

Be Sociable, Share!

• 

 Email This Post

(5 rating, 1 votes)

 Loading ...

Be Sociable, Share! Tweet

Two Addiction Ladies, Candy Finnigan and Jeanie Griffin	Recent Articles How Do I Move a "Feet" Client Into His/Her "Head and Heart"? How Do I Move a “Head” Client Into His/Her“Heart”? Head Heart and Feet
View Profile & 4 Articles