Check in

Written By: Haven House Sober Living Date: March 23rd, 2009. Topic: Member Blogs.

Trying to look at myself from the outside in is difficult for me. Check in? Well, if checking in will get me one step closer to checking out, than I’m in. Today I have 90 days of continuous sobriety. These last three months have been no picnic. In fact, if these last three months were a picnic….I got food poisoning. Don’t get me wrong, I am one-hundred percent sober. Yet, I am unhappy with where my life is at this moment. I live in a house with 20 other screwed up people and it’s not easy but is at many times quite fun.

I have made many friends in this house. My roommate is amazing and is my best friend at this point in time. We went to rehab together and decided to come here together. He is working a much stronger program than me. I have a sponsor but choose not to call or meet with him often. I go to meetings everyday, which is required here at Haven House, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy them. We all have chores and are expected to have them done at a certain time. When a chore isn’t done you get a certain amount of words to write on a recovery essay topic. You can either write the words or work the words off by doing other chores. Having acquired so many words over the last few months and always working them off, I feel like I am ready to start my own maid service. I am “the clean machine.”

This is the longest I have been sober since I started using drugs and alcohol seven years ago. I definitely feel much healthier than I ever did while using. Even though I feel healthy physically, mentally I feel like I always have. I still want to use. I want to smoke weed and I want to drink. I want to try to moderate my using when I get out of here but I am not sure whether I can. Only time will tell.

This house is definitely a safe environment for me, though. I get drug tested regularly and know that if I use I will be kicked out and lose the great relationships I have with both of my parents and the rest of my family. Being sober is not easy, but it definitely helps to be surrounded by only those who travel the same path.

By ‘J.F.’

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