Another check in

Written By: Haven House Sober Living Date: March 23rd, 2009. Topic: Member Blogs.

Another check in? Okay, I can do this. Well, this blog is going to be much more positive than the last. My original plan was to stay at Haven House for three months after my one month stay at rehab. My three months, which ends in a week, would bring me to a total of four months sober. During the past few months, I truly wanted to get out of here as soon as possible, but things have changed. Things have changed for the better. I have decided to stay for another few months. Things are going really well for me in life right now and I don’t want to fuck it up by leaving and using. I am back in college after a two year hiatus and I am doing extremely well. My music career is moving in the right direction, and I am working out on a daily basis. I still do not enjoy going to meetings or working the steps. I have actually kind of given up when it comes to the program. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I have given up on recovery. I have not. I just don’t think that Alcoholics Anonymous is the only answer to my problems. I have heard over and over that it is the only answer, but I disagree. I can do this on my own. I have thus far. When I tell other people in the program about my plans for recovery, they tell me that they are scared that I will fall back into the patterns of an addict. I am an addict. I can’t escape that. I can alter my thinking though, and I am in the process of doing so.

Haven House requires that you go to at least one meeting a day and I am still doing that. I do not think that I will continue to go once I am out of here in a few months. Maybe I will. I am still trying to figure that out. I definitely won’t go seven times a week. Going to theses meetings triggers my using more than anything so far in recovery. I have even been around weed and had no problems, but I do not feel that meetings are a healthy choice for me. Sometimes the speakers have a great pitch or a great message, but regardless of what they say I always feel the same after I leave a meeting. I feel worse than when I walked in. I had a sponsor but we haven’t spoken in a really long time. I do fine just talking to my roommates. I am very grateful for having such a good group of guys around me in this house. When it comes to my character defects, I have been doing better. I have tried to talk kindly to some of the guys that I dislike in the house. I have been getting up early in the mornings for school, and I have been taking care of all my duties in the house…for the most part. I am looking forward to the future. And yes, I am thinking about the future. One day at a time? How will I know what I am doing tomorrow if I don’t plan it today. I am taking care of myself in the best possible way for me. Everybody is different even if we are all addicts.

By ‘J.F.’

Be Sociable, Share!